Ghosts

I've been feeling ghosts all around me lately. Not the ghosts of those who have left this world--I know that in a way because they have moved on they are always with me--but the ghosts of old friends who used to be a large part of my life but due to geography or priorities or whatnot are no longer around. I see them in old pictures, hear them in classic songs, even have them cropping up in restless dreams. Suddenly, I'm missing people I haven't thought of in months or seen in years and I feel sad.

My mom calls me a pack rat, and that applies to people as well as to things. I hate to let people go, even when it is obviously time, when we've grown apart or aren't helping each other to grow any longer. It's true, I have this dream of being able to gather everyone I've ever loved into one community so that they may continue to be a part of my life even if it's only to run into each other at Town Hall meetings. There's a piece of me that hungers for that small town feel where it's a rare person that moves into the town and an even rarer one that leaves, where everybody knows everybody and their business, for good or for bad.

And yet, no one is aware more than I am that it is precisely because I've led the somewhat transient life I've led, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and moving into new areas with new people, that I've been able to grow and change as much as I have. The old friends, while still dear to me, could not have helped me to get to where I am today. They've had their own paths to explore, and I've needed fresh ideas, fresh motivations to nudge me along my own. There was a time and a place for us to be together, and the time may come where we'll meet again. But in the meantime, I'm always being pushed out of my nest out in the wide world, where no one is really a stranger, they're just friends I haven't collected yet.

And so, I am writing this to honor my ghosts, to let them know I will never forget them. I will be here when the time is right for us to be in community again. In the meantime, best of luck on the journey. Namaste.

Photo: "Lighthouse in sepia," originally uploaded by eva

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Einsten quote

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

~Albert Einstein