Inspiration: One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Evocative words full of emotion and power create new favorites, even upon first readings. This poem by Gemmia Vanzant was one of those. Introduced to me relatively recently, I could feel my heart opening up on its first reading, taking me to a deep place within me, awakening me to my own sense of freedom.


One Day My Soul Just Opened Up
by Gemmia L. Vanzant

One day my soul just opened up
and things started happenin'
things I can't quite explain
I mean
I cried and cried like never before
I cried tears of ten thousand mothers
I couldn't even feel anything because
I cried 'til I was numb.

One day my soul just opened up
I felt this overwhelming pride
what I was proud of
only God knows!
Like the pride of a hundred thousand fathers
basking in the glory of their newborn sons
I was grinnin' from ear to ear!

One day my soul just opened up
I started laughing
and I laughed for what seemed like forever
wasn't nothin' particularly funny goin' on
but I laughed anyhow
I laughed the joy of a million children playin'
in the mud
I laughed 'til my sides ached
Oh God! It felt so good!

One day, my soul just opened up
There were revelations, annihilations, and resolutions
feelings of doubt and betrayal, vengeance and forgive-
ness, memories of things I'd seen and done before
of places I'd been, although I don't know when
there were lives I'd lived
people I'd loved
battles I'd fought
victories I'd won
and wars I'd lost.

One day my soul just opened up
and out poured all the things
I'd been hiding
and denying
and living through
that had just happened moments before.

One day, my soul just opened up
and I decided
I was good and ready!
I was good and ready
to surrender
my life to God.

So, with my soul wide open,
I sat down
wrote Her a note
and told her so.

Photo: "Woohoooo for fall!!!!!!!!," originally uploaded by Eden Keller

A New Earth -- Finding Who You Truly Are

Jenn's thoughts and learnings from the seventh week of A New Earth: The Oprah Web Event.

"Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind."
~Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

I swear, the A New Earth webinars with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle are just getting better and better. Each week we get to dive deeper and deeper into the present moment, deeper and deeper into one of the most important things we can learn, as Oprah said on Monday, which is to live life from a place of acceptance, of non-resistance to the present moment.

The three levels of every situation
One of the callers this week spoke of being highly sensitive, which leaves her often overwhelmed. I think Eckhart's answer can be applied to anyone, sensitive or not, in any situation that is dredging up any type of negative emotion. Eckhart spoke of there being three levels to every situation.

1. What is happening: The first level of a situation is whatever is happening at this moment that is disturbing you (i.e. traffic, long lines at the store, loud noises).
2. Your reaction to what is happening: The second level of a situation is your reaction to what is happening, whether it's a physical reaction (i.e. a contraction in your stomach) or an emotional reaction (i.e. overwhelment, frustration, irritation, annoyance, anger) or a thought pattern (i.e. I'm miserable, I can't stand this any longer).
3. Your awareness of both of these levels: The third level is your awareness of the situation and your reaction to it, where there's no judgment, it's just purely observation.

When we let go of having our self-concept tied up in the way we react to things (like being highly sensitive) and accept what is happening in the now without judgment, we release old patterns of behavior that have left us feeling trapped. This is where true freedom lies.

Reaction vs. Response
I loved the distinction between REACTION and RESPONSE that I got out of this week's class. Reaction comes from your ego, and always has a piece of what the ego expects to get out of the situation. Reaction is a conditioned response, based in the past and therefore never totally adequate to the present moment. Response comes from a place of truth, from your inner being, your inner wisdom, without judgment or negativity. When responding to a challenging person from a place of awareness, your intuition will provide the right words for the situation. It might be what the other person needs to hear or it could just be the truth you need to speak in that moment, but it will come up without negative emotion or attachment.

Abundance comes only to those who already have it.
This idea is one that I think many people have trouble really wrapping their minds around. I know when I was growing up, I didn't understand the full meaning of Jesus's words, "For whoever has, to him more shall be given; and whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him." But once you understand that abundance comes from within, that it is the divine birthright of each and everyone of us, a light begins to shine on the meaning. We are all abundant--those who recognize this truth live this truth, and money flows to them like a river; those who do not believe this to be true live from a place of lack, and lack flows to them like a river. So how do you turn things around in your life? Begin by recognizing the abundance that is already present in your life. If you don't see abundance anywhere, you aren't looking closely enough. Abundance isn't just in your bank account--it's in the abundance of fresh product at the supermarket, the abundance of flowering plants in a garden, the abundance of blue in the sky. Appreciate what is around you, truly feeling grateful for it. Oprah even suggested keeping a gratitude journal, where every day you write down at least 5 things you are grateful for. Another way to truly recognize your own abundance is to give to others whatever it is you feel you are lacking. Anyone who can give, already has, and therefore is able to receive more in return.

I've been expressing my gratitude all over the place today. I'm grateful for the beautiful contrast between the blue sky and green trees outside my window. I'm grateful for the love of my wonderful cats and husband. I'm grateful to be home with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle today. I'm grateful to this path and to all that I've learned. I'm grateful for the little deck garden I created with lettuce and herbs. I'm grateful to have a large deck that can double as an outdoor dining room. I could keep going and going and going . . . So, what are you grateful for this week? Today? In this moment? Soak up that appreciation, write it down, and keep looking for all the good, all the bounty, that is already present in your life. Namaste.

Photo: "Revealing," originally uploaded by Kjunstorm

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Amaze Me

Every now and again I'll be sitting at my desk with some music on in the background, or listening to my iPod on my way home from the city, or in my car running errands listening to a mix I've made, and I'll just get struck with a deep upwelling of emotion, tears in my eyes for what appears to be no reason and a yearning to be out on the open road. Inevitably, it's because the song "Amaze Me" by Girlyman has come on, and I've just been struck anew by the power of their harmonies, their melodies, and their lyrics. While some music makes me wish I was a singer-songwriter, other music makes me wish I was in a position to support singer-songwriters just getting started so that their music can be spread throughout the world. Girlyman's music definitely brings out the latter instinct in me, and back when I had a job, I'd have these overwhelming urges to quit my job to go work towards getting them, and others like them, more famous. More recently, you're likely to find me allowing those tears to come, allowing myself to feel the emotion their songs bring out in me, and just kick back and enjoy, feeling blessed to be able to experience it.

The most striking thing about this song for me is the haunting quality its melody takes on when done in three-party harmony. Knocks my socks off every time. The second thing is that it feels written for me (sheepish grin) when they talk about " From Decatur, Georgia To California," i.e. from where I was born to where I live now. The third thing is that I am transient by nature, I love to travel and to take road trips and to see our country in all its glory. I can remember on a road trip from Chicago to Breckinridge, I was driving through Nebraska and everyone else in the car was asleep. I was struck by how beautiful the landscape was on a rainy, March afternoon, and I didn't have anyone to share it with. This song reminds me of moments like that.

Artist: Girlyman
Website: http://www.girlyman.com/
More information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girlyman
Song: Amaze Me
Album: Remember Who I Am

Amaze Me
by Ty Greenstein
(© 2001)

New Jersey born, yeah
The flat land of Nebraska
From Decatur, Georgia
To California

Let's dig up the map and
Let's leave while we're happy
I wanna see Tucson
Before it's all gone

Chorus:
Amaze me, America
Save me from armageddon, high road to heaven

Eight hours at the airport
Wanna hightail to Gulfport
Wanna sit on the back porch
And stare at the stars

From the chemical water
Of new york's dirty harbor
To the rock of gibraltar
At the end of the world

Chorus

Let's dive to Atlantis
Let's hear what they'd tell us
From the bottom of the ocean
I really want to know them

Chorus

Music makes the world go round

I've spent a substantial part of the day today working. Shocking, I know. I'm really enjoying freelancing because it gives me something a little different to sink my teeth into each day. Today, however, what I enjoyed the most was the opportunity to sit in one place for most of the day listening to music. I have such strong associations with the concept of "work" not being fun -- even though I always laughed a lot and made having fun at the office a priority -- that I felt a little guilty having enjoyed this background aspect of my workday. Yes, something for me to eradicate before I create my next work experience, because I genuinely believe that when your work is play, you are more productive and happier to boot.

Not really surprising after my giddy post last night, I'm enamored with Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. I made myself a "Falling Slowly" station on Pandora and have been listening to it for the past few hours. It's given me additional joy by reminding me of songs I love by Damien Rice (Cold Water), Rosie Thomas (Kite Song), Blue October (Into the Ocean), and Colin Hay (Overkill). Across the universe, Ellis, who has the honor of being the most recent musical love of my life, sent out an email update and included a music video she made for one of her new songs. While it is silly and obviously low budget, I absolutely love the song and played it a few times and danced around my office for a bit.

I swear, music makes the world go round. It is one of the primary ways that I connect emotionally with the rest of the world. Each song has its own little universe contained in it full of love and heartbreak and passion and life. A good song fills up me, makes me FEEL in such a way that my heart wants to burst with its emotion. I'll laugh, and cry, and laugh and cry some more, and then replay the song and do it all over again. If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would pick a handful of really talented but mostly unknown singer-songwriters and fund their music careers so that they could share their powerful magic with more of the world.

Who do you love right now? Who knocks you out and makes you want to dance and fills you with passion? Help me in my eternal quest to expand my musical horizons, and thereby my heart and soul. Namaste.

P.S. Happy Birthday, Don!

The glory of emotions

I've been feeling very emotional this week. Like today, for instance, I was watching the last few minutes of Coyote Ugly while I ate my lunch. Not exactly a tearjerker, but I was totally welling up at pretty much any show of love, caring, or kindness the characters gave each other. It is a good sign for me. I am an incredibly emotional person but I was raised to believe showing that emotion was a sign of weakness. I cry when I feel any intense emotion, something that does not serve me when a boss calls me into his office to reprimand me or I'm experiencing deep frustration with a team member on a project. So over the years I learned to repress those emotions, shoving them down under layers of practicality. But it isn't like they go away. No, they act like volcanic pressure slowly building up until one day they explode with a passion all over some poor, unsuspecting, and most likely undeserving person. They also show up in the form of back pain, knee pain, headaches, stomach aches -- uncomfortable ways for them to seep out whatever their form. So experiencing emotion freely and in the moment is a relief, a positive change. Next up is to stop judging myself and feeling silly when the reaction appears to be an overreaction, to listen to what those emotions are telling me and follow their guidance.

I am far from alone in judging people during displays of emotion. Look at what happened to Hillary this week when she had an emotional moment while campaigning. People were talking about how this proves she's weak and that women won't make good presidents because they are too emotional. But I had the exact opposite reaction. I was so relieved to see her show her softer side, to have that emotion come to the surface and leak out. It made her more human and it made me like her more. Having a president with a full range of emotions who recognizes them as valuable and doesn't sweep them under a rug might be exactly what this country needs. Emotions are powerful guidance systems, especially if you are in touch with your intuitive and spiritual nature, and having leaders who are guided by ego and pride hasn't been working out too well for us. I believe that this new millennium is about transformation, about going to the next level and moving from merely surviving to expansive thriving. The consciousness of the country and the world is making a palpable shift, and I expect we'll start to see that shift showing up in our government too. I can't predict what the results of this election year will bring, but I do know that whatever happens, people are waking up, starting to pay attention in different ways, to focus on what they find to be most important and to make choices to bring positive change to their lives and the world. Just thinking about these opportunities brings tears to my eyes, and I am so relieved that I can feel those feelings right now. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And namaste.