Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The grounding, Part I

I have made such a mess. As part of my grounding work, I decided it was time to tackle a project I've been putting off since I quit my job -- the filing cabinet. Now, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I already had a filing cabinet that just needed reorganizing. Taking something that was once organized and making it organized yet again is right up my alley. This undertaking is much larger, and more daunting, hence the postponement. Since we replaced the furniture in the office last spring, our files, as well as just about everything else that was in some sort of drawer previously, have been living in moving boxes underneath my desk. Add to that the utter chaos created by thoughts like, Oh, I can just figure out where to put this when I organize the filing cabinet, and you've got a pretty big mess. And cleaning it up makes an even bigger mess -- the floor of my office is now completely full of little piles of stuff that need homes to be found.

My flight responses are kicking in pretty hard. I'm thinking of all the other things I could be doing right now -- physical therapy, clothes shopping, applying for jobs -- stuff that usually I'm incredibly resistant to that now sounds like the most fun I could possibly be having. I gave myself permission to take a break, to do a quick post, but then I'm diving back in.

The good news is that this is a wonderful exercise in ordering my life and my mind. I had to file some of the easier stuff, just to make room on the floor, and with it came a sense of calm. I can imagine what finishing will feel like, and I feel the beginning inkling of joy with those thoughts, but that can be distracting too. In the meantime, I have to just keep focused on the task at hand, keep plugging away at throwing things out, sorting things into piles of like concepts, seeing the order in the midst of the chaos.

I know that this exercise is part of my grounding process, but it feels like you have to completely unground first in order to find your center, to locate even ground on which you might ultimately find stable footing. It's a little disorienting, but I trust in the end result, and in my ability to see Truth behind appearances. Glad I honed that skill ages ago -- it is definitely coming in handy now! Namaste.


Princess Bitch said...

I too am going through a grounding learning experiance and trying to find a new way to live my life. Because the old way was reckless and toxic. I salute you and your efforts to not just tackle something new, but to keep on doing it when it was no longer a good time.

And your right--you have to just dig in and talk yourself through it sometimes.

Jenn Sheridan said...

Thank you! It's truly an important thing for me to learn across the board. I'm great at starting, not so great at finishing. :)