Waiting

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
~John Lubbock

I did my morning practice out on my deck this morning. We finally did our "spring cleaning" on it this weekend and it's finally user-friendly again. It felt so good to be experiencing my little world from a slightly different perspective, breathing in the cool, crisp air as the morning fog burned off, feeling the sun warm the back of my neck as it broke through. You know, it's funny, when I do visioning about what I want my life to look like, there's always a little sun room or something where I do my morning practice with a cup of hot tea at my elbow. But today was the first day, perhaps ever, that I actually had a cup of hot tea at my elbow while I did my practice. I suppose that's a gesture of taking it one step at a time. No sun room yet, but I do have a lovely deck and I can always make myself a cup of tea wherever I am.

The past week or so it's like I've been in a waiting mode. I'm sure there's a better way to describe it--waiting sounds so angsty. But it's like there's something coming and all I have to do is make room for its arrival. Doing anything else could be potentially counterproductive. And so here I've been, waiting. Of course, I probably could have found better ways to do so--I'm pretty sure playing The Sims is not a critical step along my journey. Then again, it did exactly what I needed it to do--it occupied my Intellect, giving it something to feed off of, someone else's life to try to control down to the smallest degree, and stopped worrying itself over my life. It's left me feeling light, free, and ready.

I do not know what my next step is, nor do I know the when and how of the arrival of my knowing. But for today, it's enough for me to let go of my expectations of what I should be doing and just allow myself to be, and in the meantime, I can soak up all the wonderful energy provided by sitting on my deck with a cup of tea at my elbow. Namaste.

Photo: "Lotus bud 2," originally uploaded by tanakawho

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