Drifting

I have to laugh at myself sometimes. Yesterday, my thinkArete.com Big Idea that comes in a daily email was about "drifting." It essentially was talking about the patterns we fall into that take us off course, that distance us from our Source, from our goals. Some of the examples he uses of ways we all drift are: "blame, criticize (my personal favorite), judge, lecture, ignore, explain, or withdraw. If, for some odd reason those don’t work, just try these: control, be sarcastic (!), procrastinate, watch TV, complain, get overwhelmed, justify, go shopping, (whatever you do, definitely!) don’t breathe, interrupt, get righteous, space out or worry."

The reason this makes me laugh is that yesterday, I drifted. Not all day, but for a substantial portion of it. Mostly I was in to withdrawing, procrastinating, and spacing out, but I'm sure there were other things in there as well. While there were several reasons for that drift, at the end of the day, aren't they all just excuses? Isn't it all just your ego throwing up resistance to keep you off balance? The funniest part about it all is that I was completely aware of what was happening. I observed myself getting off track and instead of taking steps to rectify the situation, I threw myself into it whole hog. Perhaps that is why I was able to, from time to time, pull myself out of it long enough to clean the kitchen, make the lasagna I'm entertaining with this evening, take a friend to the airport. And perhaps it is also why I was able to get up this morning and get back on track without a massive effort. My home is spotless, I did my 4 mile training walk, went to the farmer's market, and I still have time to sit down and do a blog post before I get ready for my guests to arrive this evening.

Today's thinkArete.com Big Idea was about "shifting," what we do when we want to "get back into Ease and Flow." The gist is that we have to breathe, and breathe again, and breathe some more, which I take to mean we have to take time for conscious connection to Source, and to ourselves. It certainly feels significantly better than drifting does, you can actually feel the shift taking place in your body. And I suppose that is what life is about, really. While we all strive to be on track 100% of the time, we're human, and we make mistakes, we drift off course. The trick is not to stay there, to make sure we take the time to shift, to reorient ourselves so that we're moving in the direction we consciously are choosing to, the direction that feels like it is taking us towards our goals. And be gentle with ourselves in the process. I don't know about you, but I can always use a reminder of that. Namaste.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love Google's doodles, the way they play with their logo on google.com for holidays and whatnot. Today's is especially sweet. It reminds me of our friends Rhoda and Sydney, not because they're like that image really, but because they are the one example I can think of a couple who has been together for more than 50 years and who are still utterly devoted to each other. They're truly inspirational.

Today, I am running behind schedule. I had high aspirations for what I was going to accomplish today, but that all went out the window when I decided that it was time to reorganize the "pantry" area in my kitchen or else. Honestly, it was a highly cost effective use of my time, and I feel so much lighter for having done it, but now I'm trying to squeeze in a 3 mile walk, grocery shopping, bathing, and making dinner in the remainder of my afternoon, all while remembering that today is a day to open up your heart and to experience all of the love that is in the world. I'm not really Valentine's Day's biggest fan, but it seems like a good excuse for me this year to practice opening up, romance, and loving unconditionally, and to notice all the sweetness and beauty around me. Enjoy.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World

Okay, so it's Valentine's Day and what's more appropriate than a song that warms your heart every time you listen to it? Not to mention, it was our wedding recessional, picked out on one of Sean's more romantic days. Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's medley of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "What a Wonderful World" has become iconic, representing all that is good and sweet and loving in the world. You hear it everywhere--in TV shows, commercials, movies, at the mall. I found a plethora of videos on YouTube that use this song; my favorite is embedded below.

During a time of great stress (a.k.a. wedding planning while starting a new job and trying to go to grad school), it brought such a sense of calm over me, and still does every time I hear it. Take a few moments today to listen to this song, and relax into the peace and beauty it embodies. Mahalo.

Artist: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
Song: Somewhere Over The Rainbow / What A Wonderful World
Album: Facing Future
More Information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel_Kamakawiwo'ole



(Okay, this one's for Gabby)
(Ooh ooh...)

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a lullaby
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams really do come true
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me

Oh, somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to, oh why, oh why can't I?
Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying I, I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I?

(Ooh ooh...)

How Would It Be

Today feels like a good day for "How Would It Be." A good friend gave my mom Ellis's EP as a birthday present for her trip cross-country last fall. This song quickly became part of her daily ritual due to its powerful message and infectious music. As soon as I heard it I understood why, and ended up playing it over and over and over and over again. It is still a "go to" song for both of us, the kind of music that lifts you up and carries you over the trials of your day.

Please, do yourself a favor, visit Ellis's website, listen to her music, find a venue where she's playing near you. Funny, honest, open, entertaining, deep, powerful--she is a true treasure. I saw her in Santa Cruz in December and I fell even more in love with her. And I can even forgive her for re-recording "How Would It Be," even though I thought the version on the EP was infinitely better than the version that ended up on the full album, because she's that awesome. So, how would you change your life if you learned that the ground was really sky? Would you stop walking and learn how to fly?

Artist: Ellis
Song: How Would It Be
Album: Break The Spell
Website: http://www.ellis-music.com/
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5Exkqp2FVo



V1: How would it be if everything that you thought you knew
Was turned upside down opposite from your point of view
How would you feel if the ground was really the sky and all of this
time you've been walkin' when you coulda been ...flying

V2: If you run a thousand miles a minute you can expect
to wear out a few pairs of shoes
If you forget how to love and take it for granted
You can expect to wear out people close to you

Ch: What if all the birds were flying just to show us
All the trees were really holdin' the sky up
And everything that you do matters somehow
What if heaven and hell was right now

V3. How would it be if you really created your life?
Stories you told, the good and bad, that they come alive
And how would it change if your words were like nails and wood?
You build your house, but you forget that it's just a house
You can rebuild it

Ch: What if all the birds were flying just to show us
All the trees were really holdin' the sky up
Everything that you do matters in the end
What if all of our mistakes are forgiven?

Br: What if love is a lot of listening
A little bit of time not pretending
We are caught up in a world of daydreams
What if loving what you have is everything?

Ch out: What if all the birds were flying just to show us
And all the trees were really holdin' the sky up
And everything that you do matters so much
How would you change your life?
How would you change your life?

Blossoming

I already feel like I've been on a roller coaster and it's only 9:30! I woke up this morning really tense, my whole body aching from head to toe. I'd had a long night of not sleeping well, presumably because my back hurt but substantially because I've had underlying money worries all week. I dragged myself out of bed a little before 6, set myself up on the couch with an ice pack, and started to do my morning pages. I grumbled for a little while but finally just started asking myself questions. What is it going to take for me not to let stress show up in my body? What do I need to learn in order to kick my money issues once and for all? What is the source of this fear that I can feel rumbling around in my tummy?

The bottom line? As Marianne Williamson says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure." The more I recognize that I need to take risks, the push myself out of my shell, to claim my power, the louder the voice of fear becomes in my head. But as Anais Nin said, "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." I know that this change is necessary and I know that now is the time and I know that I am ready to live my life like Ellis suggests: "How would it be if everything that you thought you knew / Was turned upside down opposite from your point of view / How would you feel if the ground was really the sky and all of this / time you've been walkin' when you coulda been flying." Yeah baby, yeah!

So I got out a pad of paper and wrote down each of my fears on its own page. Then I went back and added the old patterns that surface, enabling those fears to gain footing in my consciousness. I took my 11 slips of paper, a pile of pillows, and a whiffle bat and I bashed each fear or pattern. Hallelujah! The paper was really too light for this process and so it would float up in the air, which immediately made me laugh. So I kept bashing and laughing and bashing and laughing until I felt completely filled with love and light and laughter. The weight of those fears and patterns had lifted. I danced around my living room for a little while, high on the feeling of lightness, then scooped up the slips of paper and held a burning bowl ritual. I took the slips one by one, stated my intention for what I am now accepting in my life, and watched the words burn away, going back into the nothingness from whence they came. When I was done, I took out my sage and smudged myself and my apartment, acknowledging that today is a new day, and that I am starting fresh.

I find ritual soothing, a way of getting a message out of my head and into my body. While it might not be necessary in order to affect change, for me it feels like one of the better tools in my toolbox, a tried and true method of getting things to move in a direction that feels good. Like anything else, it's a process, and I may need to do another ritual next week, next month, or even tomorrow, but for right now, I feel free to fly. Namaste.

California

Today is one of those days where you truly appreciate Joni Mitchell's song California. No matter how beautiful the rest of the world is, California is home. "So I bought me a ticket / I caught a plane to Spain / Went to a party down a red dirt road / There were lots of pretty people there / Reading Rolling Stone, reading Vogue / They said, how long can you hang around? / I said a week, maybe two / Just until my skin turns brown / Then I'm going home to California / California I'm coming home / Oh will you take me as I am / Strung out on another man / California I'm coming home."

It was 75 and sunny today, the prototypical beautiful California day. Plus, my cleaning lady came today--I know, such a splurge but SO worth it--so I vacated the premises for the afternoon. I went for a walk around downtown. I meditated by a fountain. I infected people with my smiling, so that as I passed they broke out into big grins as well. I browsed an arts and crafts store, imagining all the creative projects I could undertake. I hung out at Starbucks and watched the people come and go, read a book. It was pure bliss. And then when I came home, my apartment smelled like that wonderful smell that tells me Vilma has been here, everything is clean and in its place and the world is orderly and wonderful, and I felt as close to perfection as I probably ever will. Ah yes, today was absolutely fantastic.

I wonder what new and exciting fun tomorrow will bring?

Nietzsche Quote

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.

~Friedrich Nietzsche

May I Suggest

While technically this is a second Ellis Paul song (funny, because while I do enjoy him, I really don't listen to that much of his music), I tend think of it as a Vance Gilbert song, and while really it's a collaboration from an album they released in 2003, they didn't write the lyrics--it is actually a Susan Werner song. Phew!

I fell in love with Vance at Falcon Ridge Folk Festival back in 1997. Falcon Ridge is a music lover's dream, especially if you also love to dance. Vance Gilbert was such a treat to experience--funny and sweet, with an amazing voice that is both powerful and light. Vance and Ellis have been friends for a long time, so it seems natural they would release an album together. Side of the Road has many great songs on it, but "May I Suggest" has always been my favorite. Right now I find the lyrics especially fitting--this truly is the best time of my life--but I can understand how that still applies when appearances tell you something different. No matter which side of that coin you find yourself on today, may I suggest you live like it's a beautiful day, live like there's no tomorrow, live like you really mean it.

Artist: Ellis Paul & Vance Gilbert
Song: May I Suggest
Album: Side of the Road
Websites:
http://www.vancegilbert.com/
http://www.ellispaul.com/
More information:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vance_Gilbert
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellis_Paul

May I suggest
May I suggest to you
May I suggest this is the best part of your life
May I suggest
This time is blessed for you
This time is blessed and shining almost blinding bright
Just turn your head
And you'll begin to see
The thousand reasons that were just beyond your sight
The reasons why
Why I suggest to you
Why I suggest this is the best part of your life

There is a world
That's been addressed to you
Addressed to you, intended only for your eyes
A secret world
Like a treasure chest to you
Of private scenes and brilliant dreams that mesmerise
A lover's trusting smile
A tiny baby's hands
The million stars that fill the turning sky at night
Oh I suggest
Oh I suggest to you
Oh I suggest this is the best part of your life

There is a hope
That's been expressed in you
The hope of seven generations, maybe more
And this is the faith
That they invest in you
It's that you'll do one better than was done before
Inside you know
Inside you understand
Inside you know what's yours to finally set right
And I suggest
And I suggest to you
And I suggest this is the best part of your life

This is a song
Comes from the west to you
Comes from the west, comes from the slowly setting sun
With a request
With a request of you
To see how very short the endless days will run
And when they're gone
And when the dark descends
Oh we'd give anything for one more hour of light

And I suggest this is the best part of your life

Copyright Susan Werner/Virago Music, BMI

Baby steps

Life is such an interesting journey, isn't it? What I'm especially in awe of these days is how even though the light often only shines on the very next step, it is always leading you somewhere that enables your growth. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I needed this time off to help slow me down, enabling me to change direction without skidding out of control. But that is not what I thought 4 or 5 months ago, which is why I ended up with a knee injury that forced me to literally SIT for weeks until the way I was thinking about things had shifted enough to start the real change. I can still feel healing taking place in my soul, and I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to take some time off, to retreat from the world for a spell.

A month ago the pendulum had swung so far the other way that I was feeling panicky about the idea of a full-time job, feeling like this retreat was necessary for me indefinitely. But somewhat out of the blue, I'm feeling pulled in a different direction. My soul recognizes that while this time off has given me what I needed to connect more deeply with Source, it is now time for me to connect with people, and to do that, I need to be out in the world, a tangible being for folks to interact with, so that I can continue along my growth path and share my gifts with the world.

I had an interview last night, and it was kind of funny, because my brain went through the full range of patterns that it usually does in these circumstances. I slept really poorly as the mini-computer in my head did all of its calculations and ran through its infinite scenarios and told me all of the reasons why this job is a bad fit for me, focusing especially on that belief that a full-time job would distract me from my purpose. The interesting thing was that when I woke up this morning, my head was still. All that was left was the idea that I needed to speak to my guides, speak to that Intelligence deep within me to see what it thought--in other words, what the REAL me thought about all of this. And the answer wasn't entirely surprising considering the messages I've received over the past few months. I was reminded that the voice that keeps me from sleeping is the voice of fear, that what really makes me anxious about this job is that it would force me to show up in the work world in a deeply different way than I ever have before. But it also reminded me that this job is an opportunity for me to take the way I've been showing up in my spiritual world, i.e. as a Practitioner, and apply it to a work environment, to use the skills that I have honed on that path out in the world in a new way.

I honestly don't know what will happen with this job, and that is really okay with me. But what I do know now is that whatever happens, I will continue to grow and to be given steps that take me on the path that ultimately lead to my goal. The light may not show me very much, but it always shows me what I need to see, and when I take the steps I'm guided to take, I always get to experience even more of the divine way that things flow together. Namaste.

The grounding, Part III

My head feels like it is completely bubbling over with all the great stuff I've learned this week. I love how life continues to throw me curve balls and sometimes I flub them and sometimes I just hit them out of the park, but regardless of the outcome I'm always learning something. One of the biggest things I've learned this week probably should have been obvious -- although those are the things that usually take me longer to figure out -- which is that grounding is an ongoing process. It's not like getting a tattoo or something where you can see immediate results and there's not a significant amount of maintenance, you have to work on it a little bit each day. And there's not a magic tonic that will always work -- you have to find balance even within the act of grounding.

While Wednesday was all about getting organized, yesterday was about Abundance and Nature. And yes, those are capital-letter concepts for me. I was absolutely thrilled because I finally got my first freelancing check. Phew! I've been biting my nails for a few weeks now, anxious because while I absolutely did not want to put a single penny more on the credit card, the cash on-hand wasn't enough to cover our expenses. Yesterday's check was for three weeks of work and I felt such a flood of relief pour through me as I reviewed our financial situation. I did what I'd been putting off doing for a while now -- I shined a light on our expenses and put together a plan of where our money is going for the next couple of months. The whole time I was doing it, I could feel my center getting more secure, I could feel the concept of Abundance flowing through my body, and I felt so steady, so stable, so . . . grounded. It was like a lightbulb went off in my body that said, Eureka! Feeling secure about my finances makes me feel grounded! I know, Duh! But it was good for me to see the truth of it and to really feel it through and through.

The other thing I did was to take a lovely 3-mile walk at the reservoir. I'd had plans to go with a friend and when she had to cancel, I could feel myself start to think about the other things this would open me up to do at home that afternoon. Thankfully, an inner voice rang out loud and clear reminding me how important it is for me to get outside while the sun is shining, to connect with nature, and to be active in the process. Riding high on this concept, I also made plans with some friends to go to the beach next weekend (I really hope it doesn't rain), knowing how walking alongside the ocean is both necessary and something I never do often enough. I don't know if it's because I'm a water sign, but rivers, lakes, oceans, ponds, even puddles speak to me deeply. It's always been interesting to me that the two places that ground me the most are the desert and the ocean -- the presence and absence of water, yet both teaming with life. I can feel my energy shift in their presence.

Ah, I feel very content this morning. I feel like I am opening up, like this experience of grounding has made it possible for me to connect more deeply with myself, with Source, and with those around me. And I feel such FLOW happening -- I registered for the Avon Breast Walk and people are already coming out of the woodwork to walk with me, I have an interview lined up for Sunday, and I even feel short story ideas beginning to bubble up. Yes, please! I love this process, I love the learning, I love the living of it. Namaste.

The grounding, Part II

This process of grounding is truly a process. While I did finish the task I set out to accomplish yesterday, it did not leave me with the feeling of relief and order that I was hoping for. The good news is that I can now be lazy and not have to look for things (ha ha ha). The bad news is that it seems the whole apartment needs this type of overhaul. Our place is pretty small and our hobbies tend to take up a lot of space. The office bears the brunt of this and until we have more room in which to set up a system of organization that can actually be maintained, order really needs to be restored fairly regularly or we just have to live with the consequences. Office aside, the kitchen really needs to be tackled, and then when that's done, I should really do something about old magazines, and then go through the paperbacks to see which ones can be donated to new homes, and then there are closets that need some reorienting, and then . . .

When does it end? At what point does getting organized become just being a perfectionist, or only seeing what's wrong instead of being able to see what's right? Or is that just "all or nothing" thinking, where if one thing is organized then everything else should be, and if one thing is disorganized everything might as well be? And what about Nietzsche's discovery, "You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star" -- where is there room for my creative chaos?

As with everything else, it seems, I need to find a balance here. Order enables me to be still, to reduce distractions, to see clearly, and chaos enables me to mix things up, to get silly and crazy and messy and see what happens. Order provides the grounding so that when I am open at the top, truly connected to that divine creativity that is calling me to expand, I can be stretched yet maintain my connection to the earth. One of the reasons I love Yael Naim's Far Far so much is that she's talking about that birthing process, praying for something to happen to her, feeling the beautiful mess inside and recognizing where it will lead. "I guess I'll have to give it birth / To give it birth / There's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere." Sometimes things have to get messy before we can get clear, but that mess needs space in which it can live and breathe and feel safe once the birthing process is complete.

So I will continue to ground myself, to get organized and nurture myself and my family. And I will continue to reach out into the stars, to let things get a little messy and see where it leads, knowing that I have laid the foundation that makes it possible for me to find order and clarity when I need to. Namaste.

Little Wonders

I bought another song from iTunes today. I know, I'd say this explains why I'm short on cash, but I used $0.99 of a gift certificate I've had for over a year, so it wasn't actually a large investment. It was a song -- Little Wonders by Rob Thomas -- that I've been hearing on the radio on and off lately, but I'd never really listened to.

I was struck tonight by the simplicity and the truth of its lyrics. "Our lives are made / In these small hours / These little wonders / These twists & turns of fate / Time falls away / But these small hours / These small hours still remain." In other words, our lives are now, our lives are in the little things, are lives are always happening, and while we're waiting for the big stuff to happen, our lives are really made up in the little wonders we usually deem inconsequential.

Wow, good stuff. Now from what I can tell, it's only on the Meet the Robinsons soundtrack, so iTunes may be your best bet. Then again, Rufus Wainwright is a lot of fun . . .

Song: Little Wonders
Artist: Rob Thomas
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT6EVIIcLLo
Website: http://www.robthomasmusic.com/
More information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rob_Thomas_(musician)

Let it go,
Let it roll right off your shoulder
Don't you know
The hardest part is over
Let it in,
Let your clarity define you
In the end
We will only just remember how it feels

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

Let it slide,
Let your troubles fall behind you
Let it shine
Until you feel it all around you
And i don't mind
If it's me you need to turn to
We'll get by,
It's the heart that really matters in the end

Our lives are made
In these small hours
These little wonders,
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away,
But these small hours,
These small hours still remain

All of my regret
Will wash away some how
But I cannot forget
The way I feel right now
In these small hours
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
These twists & turns of fate

Time falls away, yeah, but these small hours
These small hours, still remain,
Still remain
These little wonders
These twists & turns of fate
Time falls away
But these small hours
These little wonders still remain

The grounding, Part I

I have made such a mess. As part of my grounding work, I decided it was time to tackle a project I've been putting off since I quit my job -- the filing cabinet. Now, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I already had a filing cabinet that just needed reorganizing. Taking something that was once organized and making it organized yet again is right up my alley. This undertaking is much larger, and more daunting, hence the postponement. Since we replaced the furniture in the office last spring, our files, as well as just about everything else that was in some sort of drawer previously, have been living in moving boxes underneath my desk. Add to that the utter chaos created by thoughts like, Oh, I can just figure out where to put this when I organize the filing cabinet, and you've got a pretty big mess. And cleaning it up makes an even bigger mess -- the floor of my office is now completely full of little piles of stuff that need homes to be found.

My flight responses are kicking in pretty hard. I'm thinking of all the other things I could be doing right now -- physical therapy, clothes shopping, applying for jobs -- stuff that usually I'm incredibly resistant to that now sounds like the most fun I could possibly be having. I gave myself permission to take a break, to do a quick post, but then I'm diving back in.

The good news is that this is a wonderful exercise in ordering my life and my mind. I had to file some of the easier stuff, just to make room on the floor, and with it came a sense of calm. I can imagine what finishing will feel like, and I feel the beginning inkling of joy with those thoughts, but that can be distracting too. In the meantime, I have to just keep focused on the task at hand, keep plugging away at throwing things out, sorting things into piles of like concepts, seeing the order in the midst of the chaos.

I know that this exercise is part of my grounding process, but it feels like you have to completely unground first in order to find your center, to locate even ground on which you might ultimately find stable footing. It's a little disorienting, but I trust in the end result, and in my ability to see Truth behind appearances. Glad I honed that skill ages ago -- it is definitely coming in handy now! Namaste.

Yum-o

I can't wait to make dinner tonight. I was really enjoying cooking healthy meals there for a while, but I got off track along with everything else. I'm excited to get back into it again! I've been a believer in "all things in moderation" for a while now, and collect cookbooks and diet books aimed at this concept. My latest favorite is Eat, Drink, and Weigh Less by Mollie Katzen and Walter Willett, M.D. I love Mollie Katzen and her Moosewood cookbooks, so already this book had something going for it, but it's got a simple, informative, understandable style that makes food consumption akin to common sense. Go figure. Plus, the recipes are all Mollie's and they're wonderful. Some are super easy, others a little more time intensive, but all of them are yummy. Plus, she makes it easy for me to adapt meals to accommodate both vegetarians, like me, and omnivores, like my husband. Very cool.

The Witch of Portobello, interestingly enough, has just a couple of paragraphs about diet, but I loved them. Almost as an afterthought, the main character, Athena, talks about diets as both unnecessary and unhealthy. Mostly she talks about the struggle to remain thin as we age as a battle that can consume energy that would be better invested in spiritual labors. My favorite part is when she says, "Eat in moderation, but take pleasure in eating: it isn't what enters a person's mouth that's evil, but what leaves it." Oh yeah. So I am taking pleasure in eating my three meals a day, and taking pleasure in preparing those meals as well. It feels so self-nurturing, a practice that I can always do more of.

I'm actually making quite a bit of food tonight, however we'll just be having a little of everything. I expect the leftovers to be yummy. We'll start with Ten-Minute Tomato Soup -- I haven't tried it yet, but it looks simple, garlicky, and delicious. Chicken and Quorn (a vegetarian chicken) cook easily on the grill. I'll bake a couple of sweet potatoes-- SO good and good for you too! I'm going to chop up some broccoli, putting some aside to have in a scramble for breakfast and sautéing the remainder for dinner tonight. And finally, I'm making a grain dish with cashews for a little extra protein and some whole grains. It should be relatively simple, even though with 5 dishes included it's something I never would have thought to have tried when I was working. The extra time is such a treat as I experiment with new recipes and find ways to incorporate extra servings of vegetables throughout the day.

This is part of the re-grounding I've been doing today. In addition to doing a little grocery shopping, I cleaned up, preparing the way to do some organizational tasks tomorrow. I was told today that while it great that I am opening up and connecting to Source, I have to remember to ground myself before I float away. So this is what I'm doing. We shall see how it dovetails with my goal of achieving balance this week, but so far everything I've done has felt absolutely essential. What kinds of things do you find grounding? Perhaps I can add them to the to-do list this week. Namaste.

Post-dinner note, 9pm: That thing about getting grounded before you float away is true. While my intentions were good, I kind of forgot to plan things, which meant I hadn't read all of the recipes all the way through or in a couple of days or whatnot. The gravy took twice as long as I realized and the broccoli ended up getting cold. I completely forgot about the sweet potatoes -- we'll have to have those another night -- and I didn't realize the grains needed to cook for 90+ minutes, so I improvised with some rices and the nuts. The grains actually turned out superb, by the way -- adding nuts is an excellent (and yummy) idea. The gravy was also excellent -- I threw in a little Marsala towards the end, which rounded out the flavors nicely. The soup was a downer -- it would need to be heavily edited before I'd try it again, I think -- but the broccoli was simple and tasty. All and all, I would say this would be a great meal if some of the work was done in advance, along with a lot more planning. But it was still a pleasure to eat. :)

DaVinci Quote

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

~Leonardo DaVinci

Far Far

I just downloaded this song, Far Far by Yael Naim, from iTunes -- it's one of the free discovery downloads for the week. I've already listened to it five times (make that six while I've been typing) and I can tell it will quickly become a favorite, partially for the talents of the singer-songwriter with her angelic voice, and partially for the lyrics that speak to where I am in my life. Many, many thank yous to Frannie who pointed it out to me this morning. All I can say is wow!

My favorite phrases string together like poetry: There's a beautiful mess inside . . . Take a deep breath and dive . . . I guess I'll have to give it birth . . . Deeper than you ever dared . . .

So the only place I've been able to find her eponymous album is on iTunes. She does have a single import on Amazon. She's French-Israeli, and she recorded her latest album in France last year. Apparently she participated in the Yes, We Can video supporting Barrack Obama's campaign -- maybe she's the one singing in another language? And that would be the sum total of what I know.

Note, 2/7: Apparently this import is available on Amazon now so it's possible to pick up the actual CD.

Song: Far Far
Artist: Yael Naim
Album: Yael Naim
Website: http://www.yaelweb.com/
More information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yael_Naim

Far, far, there's this little girl
She was praying for something to happen to her
Everyday she writes words and more words
Just to speak out the thoughts that keep floating inside
And she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
Take her, cover her, they are all over
The reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
Oh oh oh oh

Far far, there's this little girl
She was praying for something good to happen to her
From time to time there are colors and shapes
Dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
They invent her a new world with
Oil skies and aquarel rivers
But don't you run away already
Please don't go oh oh

How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
Take a deep breath and dive
There's a beautiful mess inside
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
Beautiful mess inside

Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
She was praying for something big to happen to her
Every night she hears beautiful strange music
It's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
But if it fades she begs
"Oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it," she says

I guess I'll have to give it birth
To give it birth
I guess, I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
I guess I have to, have to give it birth
There's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

So shake it yourself now deep inside
Deeper than you ever dared
Deeper than you ever dared
There's a beautiful mess inside
Beautiful mess inside

Getting back on track

Routines. They feel both so restrictive and so necessary -- the ultimate in not being able to live with or without something. I often find them stifling, like they get in the way of my ability to get anything done. Or when there are too many things planned and scheduled, I feel like there's no room left for spontaneity or creativity. But when the pendulum swings the other way, everything gets out of whack. And without fail, what I don't end up doing -- meditation, stretching, writing, etc. -- is precisely what I need to be doing at a minimum in order to stay connected and centered and on track.

I've spent a substantial amount of time in the past few years trying to get my back straightened out. I'll throw my back out and spend weeks or even months working to get it into shape. Some days it will be better than others, I'll have the sense of improvement, and then wham, I bend to pick something up and it locks up again. I tend to hold my stress in my body -- I can often tell when I'm out of whack internally by how I feel physically -- and my neck, shoulders, and back are the places where this shows up the most. When I started going to physical therapy for my knees this fall, something amazing started to happen -- my back was getting better without my really doing anything. I'm sure there were a few things at play here -- for example, not working was alleviating a substantial amount of the stress -- but the biggest change, really, was that I had found a routine in which I was stretching nearly daily. My whole body responded beautifully to this, as if to say, Ah, she finally figured it out, thank you.

This month, I've fallen off of my physical routine. I haven't been stretching or doing my home exercises anywhere near as much as I was during November and December, and man oh man, can I ever feel the difference. Combine that with a weekend where I've fallen off the rest of my routine and wow, you've got a double whammy. When I woke up this morning, my whole body hurt and I felt fuzzy, out of sync, disoriented. I stretched a little bit, did my morning pages, and I can already feel my body and my energy turning around. Next up, meditation. By the time lunch rolls around I bet I'll be flying high again.

I think the key here, as with everything else, is BALANCE. I know, I know, I'm a broken record here, but honestly, nothing could be more important to me right now. I don't know how it works, I'm still figuring it out a little bit every day, but I know it is possible to have a life that is both routined and spontaneous, that is both spiritual and down-to-earth, that is both fulfilling and fun. This is my intention for today and for the week -- to find that balance, to stay connected and on track yet still have fun, to be open to the messages I receive and trust that there is plenty of time to follow where they lead. Namaste.

Underdog

What an amazing game today. There is something affirming about rooting for the underdog and then seeing them win. The Giants were a wild card team -- they were expected to lose every playoff game AND the Super Bowl, but they didn't let other people's expectations affect their vision of themselves. They just got out there and played like they deserved to be there, ultimately proving to everyone else that they did. It's an inspirational concept we can all apply to some aspect of our lives. It's kind of akin to "Act As If" -- if you act as if you've already reached your goals, everything else will fall into place to actually make you reach those goals. Good stuff.

So, my back is still not 100%, but it is healing amazingly quickly. I'm going to do my part by going to bed now and getting a good night's sleep. I don't know what it is, but this week feels like it is going to be HUGE. Keep your eyes open and let me know what unfolds for you too. Namaste.

Which way is up?

Such a busy, crazy, wild, roller coaster week. Just got home from "Little Shop of Horrors," the story come to life as a musical. It was a nice cap to this week full of many ups and downs and lefts and rights. This has been a good experience in LIFE and what happens when we're asked to just flow with it. One day I can barely tell where I end and the universe begins, and the next my back is out and I'm having to ice and limp around and be gimpy. The day of resistance was followed with a day of such flowering, such beautiful synchronicity. The huge blow up fight with Sean turned into a mega-opportunity for healing for us on many levels. I've had more than my average amount of socialness combined with much, much alone time. I've had days where I didn't want to talk to a soul and days where all I wanted to do was reach out and touch the world and the world touched me back. What a week, eh?

So just a short note full of love and light and laughter. I am still here, preparing myself and looking forward to what next week will bring. Namaste.

A first attempt

While I was waiting for some feedback this morning, I got out the watercolor pencils and pad of paper that my mother had given me for Christmas. These first attempts are far from artistic, but I had fun making them. I especially like that I get to both draw and paint. I really enjoyed the process -- it's incredibly precise and incredibly imprecise at the same time. I'll have to keep playing with them and discover which techniques work better, but in the meantime, it's just plain fun.

So these photos didn't turn out so well -- they're a little blurry -- but here they are. The first one started out as a lady dancing, and turned into, well, the bottom 2/3 of a lady. :)


The second one is of the bunch of tulips I picked up at the farmer's market last weekend.