Creative urges

I was fiddling around on Google this morning and stumbled across this image that just struck a deep chord with me. God, do I ever wish I were artistically talented. I'm in complete awe of people who CREATE. I have trouble thinking of myself as a creative person, even when I'm doing things that are inherently creative, but it's something I've always yearned for. Kind of like when I was little and I just loved my cousins' Southern accents and I wanted to be Southern so bad it hurt. I didn't realize that it was what was on the inside that mattered, I could only see the external stuff. Now I don't identify myself with just one part of the country -- I honor my Southern roots and Yankee upbringing just as much as I honor my Californian home. But I digress.

I think that the creative urge is one we all share, that it runs deep within the parts of us that make us human. It's related to the urge to procreate for sure, but I think it's more than just that. Our conscious minds might yearn for remembrance, to leave a little piece of ourselves behind when we pass on to the next realm. But our souls yearn for an opportunity to express Who We Are, to get deep into the heart of the matter, of whatever matters, and connect with it, feel it, shine a light on it, and show it off to the rest of the world, whatever it is. When I was cleaning out my linen closet last week -- and boy, am I ever still reveling in that -- I stumbled across a bag of painting supplies. Damn, I've had those a long time. Some of those oils paints and brushes are from a painting class I took in college. I have to say, I was one of the least skilled people in that class, but I had so much FUN it just didn't matter. One of my favorite classes in high school was drawing. Now that I was good at, I admit. I even had one of my ink drawings submitted for a state art show. Sadly, I never got it back, but I remember how good that felt, and also a little scary, that something I had made was being shown off to so many people.

These days, most of my creative urges get channeled into making mixes for friends. Ah yes, I still do love those old mixed tapes I got from boyfriends and made for myself back in high school and college. So now I burn CDs, sad that they have to be so much shorter, but still enjoying the whole process, from song selection and arrangement right down to cover art and typeface choices. But of course by now, we all know about my love affair with music. What I really crave is a creative outlet that is 100% me, where I'm not just sharing other peoples' talents with the world, but my own. Writing, painting, sculpting, collaging -- whatever moves me for the day -- I need to find that outlet, find that way to express myself in a creative fashion, let out some of this pent up creativity that has been seeking a place to go. Who knows, I might just surprise myself and be an artist after all. Or I could just have a whole heck of a lot of fun. The outcome is not what's important here, it's all about enjoying the ride. Namaste.