Rumi poem

There is a community of the spirit.
Join it, and feel the delight
of walking in the noisy street
and being the noise.

Drink all your passion,
and be a disgrace.

Close both eyes
to see with the other eye. . . .

Why do you stay in prison
when the door is so wide open?

Move outside the tangle of fear-thinking.
Live in silence.

Flow down and down in always
widening rings of being.

~ Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Turning your energy around

Do not struggle. Go with the flow of things, and you will find yourself at one with the mysterious unity of the Universe.
~Chuang Tzu

This week has been a great opportunity for me to practice turning energy around. Last week was a rough one -- my so-called morning sickness reemerged leaving me severely nauseated and exhausted. Things at work have been intense -- two new additions to my team is a wonderful thing, but those first few weeks of training while still juggling meetings and the rest of my workload can be a bit challenging. Emotions at the office have been high as part of our ongoing growing pains, affecting my ability to stay centered in the midst of the chaos. And time, both on the work front and on the preparing for baby front, has appeared to be slipping through my fingers, leaving my energy focused on the future and on what isn't getting done instead of in the present moment.

When I got up Monday morning, I realized that I was the source of much of this anxiety. I had let myself stray off the path to peace. Instead of going with the flow, I was living in resistance, which was, quite literally, making me crazy. I realized I had a choice about this week went, and set my intention to turn my energy around. I even went so far as to write it down: "My intention for the week: turn the energy around -- return to a feeling of flow. It's all good, it's all getting done." It may be a small thing, but setting that intention in such a tangible way had immediate effects. Instead of feeling rushed that morning, I took my time, spending even more time on my morning practice than I usually do. At the office, I made a conscious choice to stay as centered as possible, taking small breaks throughout my day to close my eyes and breathe deeply, feeling my connection to Source. And I started delegating tasks, small and large, work and personal, in some ways remembering to ask for help, and in others, remembering that I don't have to be the one performing the task to ensure it gets done.

This week has still had its rocky points -- the challenges that made last week rough did not evaporate overnight. But my anxiety over them has dissipated, and as I've stayed much more rooted in the present moment this week, I've been able to deal with things as they come up in such a way that enabled me to release and let go, surrendering to the flow and allowing life to unfold. I have three more additions to my team beginning on Monday, and I still have meetings to attend and work to do, but I am remembering to set my intentions, remembering my connection to Source, and most of all, remembering to stay present in the midst of the seeming chaos. It seems like a better choice to me. Namaste.

Photo: "go with the flow...," originally uploaded by muha...

Rilke quote

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

~Rainer Maria Rilke

I want to free what waits within me

Once again, life is good. My shamanism workshop this weekend was even better than I could have imagined, I'm (mostly) caught up with my work, and I'm off to Connecticut tomorrow to help with the final stage of my mother's move to California. I don't know how much time I'll have over the next couple of weeks to post anything, but let me leave you with these beautiful words of Rilke's in the interim. Namaste.

from Rilke's Book of Hours
by Rainer Maria Rilke; translated by Anita Barrows and Joanna Macy

I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

Photo: "Welsh stream," originally uploaded by Mark Robinson

Returning to myself

The best things in life are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties in your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

So I took my own advice from yesterday--not that I realized I was giving advice--and went for a walk at the beach today. "Happily I recover. . . . / Happily I go forth. . . . / With lovely feelings may I walk. / As it used to be long ago, may I walk." I had woken up this morning feeling off my game. After a week of being a bit under the weather, I was finally feeling better . . . so my Intellect gifted me with a flurry of thoughts that supposedly needed urgent attention. I realized that this tension I've been feeling in my neck and shoulders is a direct result of stress, which always surprises me. A year ago, I was working a crazy schedule plus a hellish commute for a job that I hated. What do I have to be stressed out about now?, I ask myself.

But that's not really how it works. Whatever is going on your life is always the largest thing you've ever had to deal with. Not true, I know, but especially as time passes and you adjust to life as it has become, the things that happened in the past lose their full color and whatever is up for you right now feels HUGE. You can hear about starving children and domestic violence and rights abuses and whatever else makes the news today and think, how do my worries compare to that? Well, they don't. But not because your challenges are inherently less important--it's really that life isn't relative. Sure, you can always do more for those other folks you're hearing about it, and they may or may not receive relief from it or appreciate it. But none of that will make what's going on for you go away. You are living your life in this moment, the present moment, the only moment there is, and therefore this moment is the most important moment in your life, in your world.

Which is how I came to be at the beach today. I realized that I'd allowed all the relativity, the shoulds, the external stresses to become more important that this moment. None of it really matters. Sure, I could use a larger income. Sure, very little would make me happier right now than being able to move. Sure, I have work to do around my house, for my clients, for myself. But when I stop experiencing the present moment, stop recognizing its importance, stop taking care of myself in this moment, then I have completely missed the point of living.

Now that I am back home again, those issues that felt oh-so-important this morning are still there, lingering in the back of my mind, but they no longer feel urgent, no longer feel larger than life. Because now I remember the smell of the ocean, the majesty of the seagulls and the pelicans, the feel of cypress bark on my skin. The work flows easily now, the stresses roll off me like water, and I am grounded, present, centered, and truly alive. Order has been restored to my small corner of the Universe, and all is well again. Life truly is good. Namaste.

Photo: "Old tree branch on a sandy beach, " originally uploaded by René Ehrhardt

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Standing in the place you were born for

You are the music while the music lasts.
~T. S. Eliot

Have you ever had that feeling where you know that what you're doing right now, in this moment, is exactly what you need to be doing, absolutely necessary for you to be doing, an integral part of the cosmic dance? Everything just flows, you open your mouth and the right words come out, you feel content from head to toe, completely plugged in and radiant.

Of course, we all know what it feels like not to be in that place, doing work that feels like a drudgery, that feels disconnected and kludgey and just plain not fun. It's the subject of countless happy hours with co-workers, phone calls with friends, and journal entries. But when you have the good feeling, the absolutely right-on feeling, what do you do with it? Do you talk about it with the same passion, give it the same amount of energy all that negative feeling was allotted? Or do you hold it in, feeling for whatever reason that it is something to be kept to yourself, maybe protected, maybe savored, but shared with only a few and glossed over at best? It's as if as a society we really just can't get enough of that icky feeling. We use it as part of our bonding with friends and co-workers, and have an uncomfortable feeling when we're around people who are happy, genuinely content with their work.

I feel blessed to have experienced being in the place I was born for just yesterday, and I'm still a little high from it. Man, oh, man, I genuinely believe if more people were doing their work, feeling that feeling, a paradigm shift would take place. I can feel that shift taking place within me around the other pieces of the pie that make up the bigger picture of my work. I was gifted with an experience this morning where I had the opposite sense the work I was doing, where everything was a struggle and I could feel discontentment radiating out from my core. The timing was perfect as coming off of that high from yesterday made me much more conscious of it. I now know that I have some work to do there to ascertain whether it was just resistance being thrown up or if it was genuine discord. If it's the former, then it's time for me to clear my channel and pave the way for the work to flow through me. If it's the latter, then I will need to find a way to extricate myself from that work gently yet expediently.

It's a gift, really, to be able to recognize in the moment what isn't working for you so that you can take the steps to shift the situation. Some of those steps may be relatively small, dealing with your approach to the work or the people involved with a project. And some of those steps will be relatively large, requiring a career change or a leap of faith into the unknown. But whatever it takes to get you on the track towards doing your life's work, the work you were truly born to be doing, is well worth it. What steps can you take this week or even today to help bring you into alignment with your true calling? Even if it's the teeniest baby step you can image, give yourself the gift of taking one this week. Let me know how it goes! Namaste.

Photo: "shining through," originally uploaded by jim simonson

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The Sonnets to Orpheus

The Sonnets to Orpheus, Part Two, XII

by Ranier Maria Rilke

Want the change. Be inspired by the flame
where everything shines as it disappears.
The artist, when sketching, loves nothing so much
as the curve of the body as it turns away.

What locks itself in sameness has congealed.
Is it safer to be gray and numb?
What turns hard becomes rigid
and is easily shattered.

Pour yourself out like a fountain.
Flow into the knowledge that what you are seeking
finishes often at the start, and, with ending, begins.

Every happiness is the child of a separation
it did not think it could survive. And Daphne, becoming a laurel,
dares you to become the wind.

I am Life's Anchor

"I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

We are powerful beyond measure, and as Marianne Williamson says, it is our greatest fear. There is safety and comfort in conformity, in staying small, however there is no truth, no passion, no divinity. To find these things we must expand into Who We Really Are, stand up and be seen for the unique, individualized expressions of Life that each of us is at the core of our being.

This morning I was told of an exercise that August Gold has been using lately in her classes at Sacred Center New York. I've been playing with it today and I love how powerful it is and yet how playful it is. The truth I've recently come to know about myself is that I am Peaceful, Powerful, and Playful, so it isn't surprising that this exercise speaks to me. I find that it connects me with that larger truth of my being that I am only just beginning to let myself see, let alone the rest of the world. There is no place to hide within this exercise, but because it is fun, I am able to get out of my own way and let it flow. Here's how it works:

You take the alphabet and create an affirmation around each of the 26 letters. Begin each affirmation with "I am Life's . . ." and then insert a word the begins with that letter of the alphabet. You can use any word that feels good in place of Life--Source, God, the Universe, Divine Intelligence, etc. If something unusual comes up that doesn't instantly make sense, play with it for a bit and see where it leads you. For example, "I am Life's Dandelion," might not be immediately clear, but if you let it unfold you might get, "I am Life's Dandelion, spreading the seeds of truth wherever I go."

You might be surprised at what comes up for you, which concepts make you uncomfortable and which ones resonate immediately. But remember, the truth of Who You Are is powerful beyond measure. Let go, have a little fun with it, and see where it leads you. Namaste.

My first set:

I am Life's Anchor, connecting the divine to the earth.
I am Life's Basin, collecting all wisdom that flows my way.
I am Life's Caterpillar, about to become a beautiful butterfly.
I am Life's Dancing Queen.
I am Life's Expanding consciousness.
I am Life's Friend, opening my heart to all who cross my path.
I am Life's Guide, sharing what I've learned through my life's exploration.
I am Life's Hymn, expressing my joy through song.
I am Life's Imagination.
I am Life's Jenny Boo Boo, bringing joy and playfulness wherever I go.
I am Life's Kick-ass Slickrock Woman, capable of doing anything or going anywhere I so choose.
I am Life's Looking glass, reflecting Love and Light back into the world.
I am Life's Magic carpet ride, transporting myself and others into the magic of the world around us.
I am Life's Nowhere (now here).
I am Life's Open book, showing up as 100% myself with nothing to hide.
I am Life's Piecrust, ready to be filled with all the yummy goodness life has to offer.
I am Life's Qi, allowing the energy of the universe to flow through me.
I am Life's Revealer, healing through revealing the truth of the divinity within.
I am Life's Superball, always bouncing back.
I am Life's Tulip, blossoming beautifully.
I am Life's Umbrella, finding joy even in the hardest rain.
I am Life's Vibrant vitality.
I am Life's Well-being.
I am Life's X ray, seeing through the appearances to find the gift in every situation.
I am Life's Yin and yang, balancing my masculine and feminine energies.
I am Life's Zigzag--my path may not always be straight, but I know that life's a journey not a destination.

Photo: "joy," originally uploaded by Martin Talbot

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Throwing out the list

You know that feeling when you're aware of what you probably should be doing but you seem to be incapable of doing it? Suddenly anything and everything else feels super important, whether it's unloading the dishwasher or picking a piece of lint off your sweater. I suspect that's something we've all experienced at one time or another. For me, anyway, it manifests as a form of beating myself up, as even the presence of the word "should" suggests in my first sentence.

One of the challenges of having the appearance of so much free time in my life is that all of those things that I always wanted to do have now moved to the level of "things I should be doing" in my head. I have a list of "daily goals," which is really more like a daily task list. I swear, even if all I did was finish off this list everyday I'd probably feel overwhelmed. My morning practice alone has bloomed to the point where it takes a minimum of two hours to finish everything. Then there's three meals a day to cook and clean up after. I'm training for my Avon Walk, so there's walking or cross-training to be done, plus stretching and icing. I have a category for "coursework" that includes things like the Prosperity Game from Ask and It Is Given, the Attracting Genuine Abundance course I signed up for from DailyOM, and finishing up my A New Earth reading, watching, and writing. As I mentioned in my last post, I've started a Chinese medicine regimen, so I need to make sure I allow time to prepare the herbs in the morning and then remember to drink them after each meal, not to mention carving out time for my acupuncture and massage appointments. There is, of course, writing my daily blog post. And oh yeah, I'm also freelancing, so somewhere in there I should find time to both do my work and drum up new business. Phew.

While these are all worthy objectives for any given day, the problem lies in my being overwhelmed from the start. I'm practically already behind schedule when my feet hit the floor in the morning, and there's a voice at the back of my head that is telling me that if I'm not going to get it all done anyway, I might as well take my time. So instead of having a purposeful, flowing day filled with joy at the prospect of getting to live my life the way I always wanted to, I can end up experiencing a day full of stress, with never enough time to get anything done, and overflowing with distractions that I allow to take up my time instead of recognizing them as the unnecessary derailment that they really are.

So my goal for this week is to throw out the list, but perhaps more importantly to also throw out the distractions. I've shut all of my browser windows, streamlined my "to do list" to just those things I need reminders to complete, and shifted my focus to the present moment. Right now is the only moment that matters. And when I live this moment to its fullest, there is always plenty of time to get everything done. Care to join me in this adventure this week? Choose a new practice with me whereby you allow the universe to find its flow in your life, bringing your attention to where it is needed in each moment, allowing those daily tasks to unfold effortlessly. Experience what it is like to live from the place of awareness that is your true self, being truly present where you are, starting right here, right now, in this very moment. Namaste.

Photo: "let's dance!," originally uploaded by Tinou Bao

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A New Earth -- Finding Who You Truly Are

Jenn's thoughts and learnings from the seventh week of A New Earth: The Oprah Web Event.

"Knowing yourself deeply has nothing to do with whatever ideas are floating around in your mind. Knowing yourself is to be rooted in Being, instead of lost in your mind."
~Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

I swear, the A New Earth webinars with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle are just getting better and better. Each week we get to dive deeper and deeper into the present moment, deeper and deeper into one of the most important things we can learn, as Oprah said on Monday, which is to live life from a place of acceptance, of non-resistance to the present moment.

The three levels of every situation
One of the callers this week spoke of being highly sensitive, which leaves her often overwhelmed. I think Eckhart's answer can be applied to anyone, sensitive or not, in any situation that is dredging up any type of negative emotion. Eckhart spoke of there being three levels to every situation.

1. What is happening: The first level of a situation is whatever is happening at this moment that is disturbing you (i.e. traffic, long lines at the store, loud noises).
2. Your reaction to what is happening: The second level of a situation is your reaction to what is happening, whether it's a physical reaction (i.e. a contraction in your stomach) or an emotional reaction (i.e. overwhelment, frustration, irritation, annoyance, anger) or a thought pattern (i.e. I'm miserable, I can't stand this any longer).
3. Your awareness of both of these levels: The third level is your awareness of the situation and your reaction to it, where there's no judgment, it's just purely observation.

When we let go of having our self-concept tied up in the way we react to things (like being highly sensitive) and accept what is happening in the now without judgment, we release old patterns of behavior that have left us feeling trapped. This is where true freedom lies.

Reaction vs. Response
I loved the distinction between REACTION and RESPONSE that I got out of this week's class. Reaction comes from your ego, and always has a piece of what the ego expects to get out of the situation. Reaction is a conditioned response, based in the past and therefore never totally adequate to the present moment. Response comes from a place of truth, from your inner being, your inner wisdom, without judgment or negativity. When responding to a challenging person from a place of awareness, your intuition will provide the right words for the situation. It might be what the other person needs to hear or it could just be the truth you need to speak in that moment, but it will come up without negative emotion or attachment.

Abundance comes only to those who already have it.
This idea is one that I think many people have trouble really wrapping their minds around. I know when I was growing up, I didn't understand the full meaning of Jesus's words, "For whoever has, to him more shall be given; and whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him." But once you understand that abundance comes from within, that it is the divine birthright of each and everyone of us, a light begins to shine on the meaning. We are all abundant--those who recognize this truth live this truth, and money flows to them like a river; those who do not believe this to be true live from a place of lack, and lack flows to them like a river. So how do you turn things around in your life? Begin by recognizing the abundance that is already present in your life. If you don't see abundance anywhere, you aren't looking closely enough. Abundance isn't just in your bank account--it's in the abundance of fresh product at the supermarket, the abundance of flowering plants in a garden, the abundance of blue in the sky. Appreciate what is around you, truly feeling grateful for it. Oprah even suggested keeping a gratitude journal, where every day you write down at least 5 things you are grateful for. Another way to truly recognize your own abundance is to give to others whatever it is you feel you are lacking. Anyone who can give, already has, and therefore is able to receive more in return.

I've been expressing my gratitude all over the place today. I'm grateful for the beautiful contrast between the blue sky and green trees outside my window. I'm grateful for the love of my wonderful cats and husband. I'm grateful to be home with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle today. I'm grateful to this path and to all that I've learned. I'm grateful for the little deck garden I created with lettuce and herbs. I'm grateful to have a large deck that can double as an outdoor dining room. I could keep going and going and going . . . So, what are you grateful for this week? Today? In this moment? Soak up that appreciation, write it down, and keep looking for all the good, all the bounty, that is already present in your life. Namaste.

Photo: "Revealing," originally uploaded by Kjunstorm

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Let go and flow!

I was thinking this morning about the concept of paying taxes as a way to essentially force circulation into the economy. From a metaphysical perspective, holding on to anything--money or otherwise--stops the flow in and out of your life. The law of circulation says the more you give, the more you receive. When we think about taxes negatively, as something that is being taken away from us, that's another way to block the flow of energy for us. I'd like to shift that around today and recognize that I am giving this money, that it is part of the divine flow and a symbol of the circulation of money in my life. Just in writing that here, I already feel better about the checks I am mailing today and know that paying my taxes with love and trust is another way that I can open myself up to that divine flow. Care to join me?

I'd like to share with you an excerpt from Eric Butterworth's The Universe is Calling that I've always found inspirational. He's talking here about what it is we hold on to that keeps us small, keeps us trapped, but I think about these monkeys every time I'm holding on to anything too tightly.

     "An interesting system has been used for capturing monkeys in the jungles of Africa. The goal is to take the monkeys alive and unharmed for shipment to the zoos of America. In an extremely humane way, the captors use heavy bottles, with long narrow necks, into which they deposit a handful of sweet-smelling nuts. The bottles are dropped on the jungle floor, and the captors return the next morning to find a monkey trapped next to each bottle. How is it accomplished? The monkey, attracted by the aromatic scent of the nuts, comes to investigate the bottle, puts its arm down the long narrow necks, closes its hand around the nuts, and is trapped. The monkey can't take its hand out of the bottle as long as it's holding the nuts, but it is unwilling to open its hand and let them go. The bottle is too heavy to carry away . . . so the monkey is trapped. . . .

     Here is an imaging exercise for you to work with: Take [an] inventory, listing all the challenges, conflicts and difficulties that you may have. Let them be symbolized by the nuts in the bottle with the long, narrow neck. Feel your hand clasping a nut. Feel the frustration and pain of entrapment. Ask yourself, 'Am I content to have this bottle? Do I really want to be free?' There is only one way. Open your hand and feel your arm slipping out of the bottle. You are free. You might say, 'I let go of resistance, resentment, and anxiety.' Let it all go. There is no way to gain freedom unless you let go. Even God cannot set you free unless you follow the freeing call to let go."

Photo: "go with the flow...," originally uploaded by muha...

Free

A friend of mine posted something on Facebook about Stevie Wonder's song FREE. Curious, of course I had to check it out. After almost 20 years, it's still a wonderful song with a wonderful message. Plus, it really meshes with the Zen approach to life I'm taking these days, seeking the true freedom that lies in surrender. Enjoy.



Artist: Stevie Wonder
Song: Free
Album: Characters
Website: http://www.steviewonder.net/
More Information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stevie_Wonder

Free like the river
Flowing freely through infinity
Free to be sure of
What I am and who I need not be
Free from all worries
Worries prey on oneself's troubled mind
Freer than the clock's hands
Tickin' way the times
Freer than the meaning of free that man defines
Life running through me
Till I feel my father God has called

Me having nothin'
But possessing riches more than all
And I'm free
To be nowhere
But in every place I need to be
Freer than a sunbeam
Shining through my soul
Free from feelin' heat or knowing bitter cold
Free from conceiving the beginning
For that's the infinite start

I'm gone - gone but still living
Life goes on without a beating heart

Free like a vision
That the mind of only you can see

Freer than a raindrop
Falling from the sky
Freer than a smile in a baby's sleepin' eyes

I'm free like a river
Flowin' freely through infinity
I'm free to be sure of what
I am and who I need not to be
I'm much freer - like the meaning of the word free that crazy man defines
Free - free like the vision that
The mind of only you are ever gonna see
Free like the river my life
Goes on and on through infinity

Step 7: Follow Your Bliss

From the Steps to Learning How to Fly series.

BILL MOYERS: Do you ever have the sense of . . . being helped by hidden hands?

JOSEPH CAMPBELL: All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time—namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.

Have you ever had a feeling of complete self-awareness where you recognize that what is happening right now could only be happening to you, and the events of the past hours, days, months, even years have all come together to produce this very moment? August Gold talks about the work that we alone can do, that we were born to do, and the feeling of resonance that happens when we stand in that place that only we can stand in. In The Alchemist, Paolo Coehlo explores the idea of the universe conspiring to help bring your dreams to fruition. Joseph Campbell discusses how when you follow your bliss, invisible hands come out to help you along your path.

This concept of "following your bliss" is the culmination of the ideas we have been discussing over the course of this series. It is about what happens when we begin to shift, to get clear, to take time to be still and listen, to follow our intuitive guidance, to allow our real selves to come out into the world, and to take steps, however small, in the direction of our dreams. It is about how doors begin to open for us, how people begin to show up seemingly accidentally with access to different pieces of the puzzle, how things we were led to do years ago suddenly begin to make sense within this new framework, and how our dreams begin to take shape.

There is a lot of misconception surrounding this topic. Critics talk about how if we all followed our bliss, there would be tons of starving artists in the world and no janitors. Or people will say, what I'd really like to do is not to work, so I'm going to pursue that goal and the money will still follow, right? This isn't about imagining a life that sounds glamorous or exciting and doing that. And it definitely isn't some spiritually couched permission to be lazy. It is about finding your place in the world, your passion, your divine birthright, and throwing yourself into it, taking the leap of faith with full knowledge that the universe will provide you solid ground to step on, or at the very least a soft place to fall.

Finding your place in the world is neither as difficult nor as easy as it sounds. As we've touched on previously, life is always giving us messages, showing us the next step we need to take. We don't go out for our first run today and finish a marathon tomorrow--we take steps that enable us to reach that ultimate goal. It isn't a matter of instant gratification, it's about laying a solid foundation and creating the building blocks you need in order to get there. And the best part? You aren't doing this alone, you do not need to have the full blueprint in your head in order to have it all come together beautifully. Your job is to be aware, to notice what resonates and what doesn't, to trust in yourself and the universe, to listen to the messages you receive and follow their guidance.

One of the reasons I love Wonderfalls, the short-lived TV series starring Caroline Dhavernas, is that it explores this concept in a more obvious and direct way. The main character, Jaye, literally receives messages from the universe--normally inanimate objects begin to speak to her. Their somewhat enigmatic messages lead her to do things that set whole courses of events in motion with often humorous and always miraculous results. The show explores how seemingly small circumstances become snowballs that nudge (or knock) us into living our destiny. One of my favorite episodes (spoiler alert) includes the phrase "Bring Her Back To Him." Jaye interprets this to mean that she should try to reconcile the nun hiding out at the local bar with the priest who has come to town looking for her. At one point she and the nun have an argument in a parking lot--Jaye gets upset and drives away, backing into a car and breaking its taillight in the process. It turns out to be the priest's car; when the police pull him over for the broken taillight, they discover a warrant out for his arrest. His last girlfriend before he had entered the priesthood had been looking for him for almost ten years, and he gets to meet the daughter he never knew he had for the first time. By the end of the episode many "hers" have been brought back to many "hims," including, and resulting in, the nun's faith in God being restored.

While our messages are not usually so literal, nor the steps to get from taillight to reunion so clearly painted, they are always happening for us too. Once you really get this, you come to understand that coincidences are really incidences of synchronicity, showing us the way. Start saying "Yes!" to the universe, stepping through the doors that open up for you along the way. Pay attention to the messages you receive each day and follow where they lead. Uncover your passion and immerse yourself in it. My guess is that you will be following your bliss before you know, benefiting from the invisible hands helping you along the way, spreading your wings and soaring to new heights, loving the feeling of resonance that comes with standing in your right place in the world. Namaste.

Recommended Reading:
The Artist's Way, by Julia Cameron
The Celestine Prophecy, by James Redfield
Do What You Love, the Money Will Follow, by Marsha Sinetar
Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
The Power of Myth, by Joseph Campbell
The Witch of Portobello, by Paolo Coehlo

Photo: "follow your bliss," by irene suchocki

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Baby steps

Life is such an interesting journey, isn't it? What I'm especially in awe of these days is how even though the light often only shines on the very next step, it is always leading you somewhere that enables your growth. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I needed this time off to help slow me down, enabling me to change direction without skidding out of control. But that is not what I thought 4 or 5 months ago, which is why I ended up with a knee injury that forced me to literally SIT for weeks until the way I was thinking about things had shifted enough to start the real change. I can still feel healing taking place in my soul, and I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to take some time off, to retreat from the world for a spell.

A month ago the pendulum had swung so far the other way that I was feeling panicky about the idea of a full-time job, feeling like this retreat was necessary for me indefinitely. But somewhat out of the blue, I'm feeling pulled in a different direction. My soul recognizes that while this time off has given me what I needed to connect more deeply with Source, it is now time for me to connect with people, and to do that, I need to be out in the world, a tangible being for folks to interact with, so that I can continue along my growth path and share my gifts with the world.

I had an interview last night, and it was kind of funny, because my brain went through the full range of patterns that it usually does in these circumstances. I slept really poorly as the mini-computer in my head did all of its calculations and ran through its infinite scenarios and told me all of the reasons why this job is a bad fit for me, focusing especially on that belief that a full-time job would distract me from my purpose. The interesting thing was that when I woke up this morning, my head was still. All that was left was the idea that I needed to speak to my guides, speak to that Intelligence deep within me to see what it thought--in other words, what the REAL me thought about all of this. And the answer wasn't entirely surprising considering the messages I've received over the past few months. I was reminded that the voice that keeps me from sleeping is the voice of fear, that what really makes me anxious about this job is that it would force me to show up in the work world in a deeply different way than I ever have before. But it also reminded me that this job is an opportunity for me to take the way I've been showing up in my spiritual world, i.e. as a Practitioner, and apply it to a work environment, to use the skills that I have honed on that path out in the world in a new way.

I honestly don't know what will happen with this job, and that is really okay with me. But what I do know now is that whatever happens, I will continue to grow and to be given steps that take me on the path that ultimately lead to my goal. The light may not show me very much, but it always shows me what I need to see, and when I take the steps I'm guided to take, I always get to experience even more of the divine way that things flow together. Namaste.

The grounding, Part III

My head feels like it is completely bubbling over with all the great stuff I've learned this week. I love how life continues to throw me curve balls and sometimes I flub them and sometimes I just hit them out of the park, but regardless of the outcome I'm always learning something. One of the biggest things I've learned this week probably should have been obvious -- although those are the things that usually take me longer to figure out -- which is that grounding is an ongoing process. It's not like getting a tattoo or something where you can see immediate results and there's not a significant amount of maintenance, you have to work on it a little bit each day. And there's not a magic tonic that will always work -- you have to find balance even within the act of grounding.

While Wednesday was all about getting organized, yesterday was about Abundance and Nature. And yes, those are capital-letter concepts for me. I was absolutely thrilled because I finally got my first freelancing check. Phew! I've been biting my nails for a few weeks now, anxious because while I absolutely did not want to put a single penny more on the credit card, the cash on-hand wasn't enough to cover our expenses. Yesterday's check was for three weeks of work and I felt such a flood of relief pour through me as I reviewed our financial situation. I did what I'd been putting off doing for a while now -- I shined a light on our expenses and put together a plan of where our money is going for the next couple of months. The whole time I was doing it, I could feel my center getting more secure, I could feel the concept of Abundance flowing through my body, and I felt so steady, so stable, so . . . grounded. It was like a lightbulb went off in my body that said, Eureka! Feeling secure about my finances makes me feel grounded! I know, Duh! But it was good for me to see the truth of it and to really feel it through and through.

The other thing I did was to take a lovely 3-mile walk at the reservoir. I'd had plans to go with a friend and when she had to cancel, I could feel myself start to think about the other things this would open me up to do at home that afternoon. Thankfully, an inner voice rang out loud and clear reminding me how important it is for me to get outside while the sun is shining, to connect with nature, and to be active in the process. Riding high on this concept, I also made plans with some friends to go to the beach next weekend (I really hope it doesn't rain), knowing how walking alongside the ocean is both necessary and something I never do often enough. I don't know if it's because I'm a water sign, but rivers, lakes, oceans, ponds, even puddles speak to me deeply. It's always been interesting to me that the two places that ground me the most are the desert and the ocean -- the presence and absence of water, yet both teaming with life. I can feel my energy shift in their presence.

Ah, I feel very content this morning. I feel like I am opening up, like this experience of grounding has made it possible for me to connect more deeply with myself, with Source, and with those around me. And I feel such FLOW happening -- I registered for the Avon Breast Walk and people are already coming out of the woodwork to walk with me, I have an interview lined up for Sunday, and I even feel short story ideas beginning to bubble up. Yes, please! I love this process, I love the learning, I love the living of it. Namaste.

Which way is up?

Such a busy, crazy, wild, roller coaster week. Just got home from "Little Shop of Horrors," the story come to life as a musical. It was a nice cap to this week full of many ups and downs and lefts and rights. This has been a good experience in LIFE and what happens when we're asked to just flow with it. One day I can barely tell where I end and the universe begins, and the next my back is out and I'm having to ice and limp around and be gimpy. The day of resistance was followed with a day of such flowering, such beautiful synchronicity. The huge blow up fight with Sean turned into a mega-opportunity for healing for us on many levels. I've had more than my average amount of socialness combined with much, much alone time. I've had days where I didn't want to talk to a soul and days where all I wanted to do was reach out and touch the world and the world touched me back. What a week, eh?

So just a short note full of love and light and laughter. I am still here, preparing myself and looking forward to what next week will bring. Namaste.

Ooh, look! Bright and shiny!

I'm struggling a lot with focus lately. I seem to have completely lost my ability to multi-task, or even single-task, with any degree of success. I get distracted really easily -- Ooh, look! Bright and shiny! -- and don't always make it back to whatever I was working on originally. I used to need music on in the background to help me concentrate -- a sort of white noise to cover up all the real noises happening around me -- but now I find myself getting sucked into a song, turning it up so I can really listen to it, wanting it to be in the foreground of my attention instead.

While my productivity has dropped to an all-time low, I don't think this is a bad thing, really. It's like I'm reprogramming my brain to process things one-at-a-time when the corporate world had me processed on multiple input. My last job was especially ADD-inducing, with everyone on email, IM, the phone, and talking to someone at the next desk all at the same time. Every now and again I wanted to bury my head under my arms and scream. But habits are hard to break, and even now I have an obscene number of browser windows open (19, including this one) and I find it difficult to sit here and just type, focus on what I'm writing, without going and refreshing all of those windows to see if anything requires my attention.

There is a definite art to actually staying in the moment, with your mind on a single point of focus. Gurus and mystics have been talking about this one-mind concept for centuries, possibly millennia, and it doesn't sound so difficult in theory, but man is it ever hard to do in practice. I have about a hundred thousand things to do today (okay, really it's probably about a dozen, but who's counting) and I get antsy, wanting to cross things off the list, instead of truly paying attention to what I'm doing in the moment. The irony is, my inability to sit still on days like today keeps me from finishing anything that I've started and I feel like I'm behind schedule the entire day. If I could just be completely in the moment with what I am doing RIGHT NOW and focus my entire attention on it, just think how quickly I would be able to complete that task. I'd be crossing things off my list left and right, relaxed and in the flow, trusting in my inherent ability to get things done instead of feeling anxious about it and getting in my own way.

As I sit here writing, resisting the urge to multi-task, I can feel myself relaxing. It feels like this concept of truly paying attention, truly staying in the moment is sinking in, and I can definitely feel it resonating within me, the core of my being saying Yes, you're getting it, thank you. So let me experiment with this today, moving on to my next task and focusing on it with the same attention I've been giving this, taking things one at a time, rejoicing in each individually completed task. Wish me luck. Namaste.

Finding balance

I have to laugh at myself for not posting yesterday. It's almost like I've been doing so much work and had so much come up for me that I short-circuited my brain and ended up with nothing to write about. As I sit here now I can feel myself being torn in different directions. What's most important for me right now -- my finances? My freelance work? Balancing my chakras? Coming out of hiding? Nurturing myself? Making healthy (and yummy) food choices? Getting my body moving? Connecting with people I value? Being comfortable in my own skin? Just thinking about it all makes the short-circuit kick back in again. I think the key thing for me to focus on in the midst of all of this is BALANCE.

Balance is one of those words you hear people talk about a lot these days. It's trendy, even, which seems odd for something that is so essential to living well. But what does balance look like really? I can tell you one thing for sure -- it does not look like perfection. I think we all have an idea in our heads of what our life would look like if everything were going perfectly. For me, I'd be up early, meditate and do my morning practice, go for a run, eat a healthy breakfast, write a chapter of my book -- all before 10am. It honestly makes my stomach churn to think about how that would play out in reality. I think the key is more to take things one at a time, to live in the moment and be fully committed to what you're doing right now, to mix things up a little bit and not get too hung up on a routine, to make sure each day has a little bit of each of the key ingredients without being too heavy on a single one (love, connection, work, play).

When I first left my job, I made lists of everything I was going to do each day. By the time 3pm rolled around, I was exhausted and hadn't even come close to finishing everything on the daily list, let alone the bigger projects I planned to undertake in my time off. Since then I've discovered what works better for me is to have sort of groups of lists, and to do at least one thing from each group every day. This flows organically for me, to the point that I don't need to look at the list very often. I use it more of a reminder of the things I could do instead of having it weigh me down under the burden of things I should do. And it's amazing how things naturally cycle. In my morning pages each day it's like I receive direction on what's important for me today and I get different messages every day depending on what I need.

Today that direction was loudly and clearly about cultivating friendships with people who like to think about the big picture, changing the world, connecting to Source, living life fully. And more specifically it was about starting with the people that are already in my life and making them more of a priority. By 10am I had already connected with three friends and made plans to meet up with some people for dinner and a discussion about life, the universe, and everything. When you set your intention and begin to take action on that intention, the universe responds in kind. I just love living my life from a place of consciousness, being aware of all of the shifts that are taking place, small and large. It makes each day an adventure to be treasured. And it's a hell of a lot more fun to boot. Have a fabulous, love- and fun-filled day. Namaste.

Unvacation

Being between jobs gives me a new perspective on things. For instance, I don't think so much in terms of M-F and weekends so much as I think in terms of when my husband will and won't be home. Or, I think in terms of what things I'm better at during the morning vs. the afternoon or evening. Today has been an interesting day in that I keep having to remind myself for many people it's the eve of a vacation, whether it is just 4 days long or they don't go back to work until the 2nd of January. My physical therapist's office was mostly empty and there was a spirit of camaraderie in the air, a sense of, "we're all experiencing this together," and I felt a little out of place in it. Sure, I'm leaving for a week myself tomorrow -- my husband and I are heading to Connecticut to spend the week with family -- but I'm not on "vacation" from anything. Then again, I've been working incredibly hard the past few weeks. Not in a traditional sense, sure, but does that make me any less deserving of a vacation?

The interesting thing is, I don't really want a vacation. I've been trying to figure out how I can keep doing my work -- my meditation, my writing, my exercises -- while I'm on this trip. My days will be full of last-minute shopping, gift wrapping, and visits with family and friends, which makes me wonder if I should adopt a schedule more like I'm working a full-time job, where I'm up at 5:30 to ensure I have time do what I need to do and still get out the door by 7:30 or 8:00. In the past traveling was an excuse for me to blow everything off, from my diet and exercise to meditation -- I even read a different caliber book when I travel. But I feel called to do the opposite this time, to challenge myself to truly incorporate this work I'm doing into my life in such a way that it sticks even when I am on the road. This may be easier said than done, seeing as how things slipped this week due to time-sensitive holiday tasks and I haven't even left California yet, but I like the idea of shifting my expectations for this journey, inside and out. I'd like to be centered and strong in my sense of self, able to go with the flow and relax and have fun while still being productive. My work enables this -- it may take up time itself, but it makes up for it in spades throughout the day.

So, wish me luck in my endeavors and with my trip. I'll bring back a snowball for you. Namaste.

My two cents

I've been talking about blogging on and off for years, but there was always something I needed to do first. Getting wise enough to have something to say. Needing to find the time. Building out my own website so I could have the blog be on that. But something an interesting man I met at dinner last week said made me realize that those excuses just weren't cutting it any more. So here I am, with all of my imperfections, learning how to fly with the rest of the flock, just out here sharing my thoughts.

It seems to me this time of year that there's an overwhelming amount of angst about. I know this isn't exactly a novel observation, but it hits me in the gut every year, even when I think I'm prepared for it. The holidays are steeped in expectation, and many of those expectations are negative ones. I believe that what we put out there comes back to us, so if we have negative expectations for how the holidays will be, then that's how they'll turn out. Those presents we're working so hard to buy will be unappreciated. Nothing you do will be good enough for your parents. The traffic in the parking lots will be awful. Just writing about it makes me shudder and want to do a little dance to get it all off of me before it soaks in.

My goal for this holiday season is to take each day as it comes. To focus on the love I feel for all of my family and friends. To know that yes, I am writing 100 holiday cards and yes, that feels like a lot, but I truly am blessed to have such an expansive group of family and friends that I want to share with this time of year. For me, it isn't about what this season represents or doesn't represent -- it's about taking the opportunity at any point in the year to experience your life in its present moment and to share your love with your world.

That's my two cents for the day. Namaste.