The way we stand

I love that Earth Day is celebrated with such vigor these days. Or maybe it just seems like that because so many of my friends on Facebook chose to proclaim their love and gratitude for Mother Earth this week. But it helped create a sense of celebration in me, anyway, and opened me up to that deep connection we all share with each other and with the energy of our beautiful planet. So really, it's no surprise that this morning I was drawn to that favorite of mine, Earth Prayers. And within this phenomenal collection of "prayers, poems, and invocations for honoring the earth," I was drawn to one of my favorite pieces of Susan Griffin's that speaks so eloquently to that connection. Enjoy, and namaste.

The way we stand, you can see we have grown up this way together, out of the same soil, with the same rains, leaning in the same way towards the sun. See how we lean together in the same direction. How the dead limbs of one of us rest in the branches of another. How those branches have grown around the limbs. How the two are inseparable. And if you look, you can see the different ways we have taken this place into us. Magnolia, loblolly bay, sweet gum, Southern bayberry, Pacific bayberry; wherever we grow there are many of us; Monterey pine, sugar pine, white-bark pine, four-leaf pine, single-leaf pine, bristle-cone pine, foxtail pine, Torrey pine, Western red pine, Jeffrey pine, bishop pine.

And we are various, and amazing in our variety, and our differences multiply, so that edge after edge of the endlessness of possibility is exposed. You know we have grown this way for years. And to no purpose you can understand. Yet what you fail to know we know, and the knowing is in us, how we have grown this way, why these years were not one of them heedless, why we are shaped the way we are, not all straight to your purpose, but to ours. And how we are each purpose, how each cell, how light and soil are in us, how we are in the soil, how we are in the air, how we are both infinitesimal and great and how we are infinitely without any purpose you can see, in the way we stand, each alone, yet none of us separable, none of us beautiful when separate but all exquisite as we stand, each moment heeded in this cycle, no detail unlovely.

~ Susan Griffin from Earth Prayers

Photo: "Path Through the Trees," originally uploaded by Tony

Grounding ourselves

There is nothing quite like uprooting yourself to remind you of how important it is to be grounded. This week I've felt somewhat disjointed and out of focus. Normally that happens because I've allowed my morning practice to slip. However, if anything, I've intensified my morning practice this week as I recognized how necessary it was to my remaining centered through this transition. I thought maybe I had just overdone it over the weekend, and these were signs that my body still needed to catch up on its rest, but if that were the case I would have expected to see improvement from day to day this week. Yesterday as I was out taking a walk around my building, it finally dawned on me what's been missing -- my sense of being grounded. I've had this DailyOM article on reserve since last summer as a wonderful reminder of both the need to be grounded and how simple it can be to ground yourself in a breath, in a moment. Today I plan to follow its advice, as well as some of my own from last spring, and spend some time with my feet firmly planted on the earth, breathing in that grounding energy and restoring my sense of balance, of connection, of my roots. Namaste.

Being A Strong Container
Grounding Ourselves

We often hear people telling us to ground ourselves, but we may not be sure what that means and how we might do it. Grounding ourselves is a way of bringing ourselves literally back to earth. Some of us are more prone than others to essentially leaving our bodies and not being firmly rooted in our bodies. There’s nothing terribly wrong with this, but while we are living on the earth plane it is best to stay grounded in the body.

One of the easiest ways to ground ourselves is to bring our attention to our breath as it enters and leaves our bodies. After about 10 breaths, we will probably find that we feel much more connected to our physical selves. We might then bring our awareness to the sensations in our bodies, moving from our head down to our feet, exploring and inquiring. Just a few minutes of this can bring us home to bodies and to the earth, and this is what it means to ground ourselves.

We can go further by imagining that we have roots growing out of the bottoms of our feet, connecting us to the earth. The roots flow with us so we can we always move, but at the same time they keep us grounded. We receive powerful energy from the earth just as we do from the forms of energy we associate with the sky, and our body is a tool that brings these two energies together in a sacred union. When we are grounded, we essentially become a strong container in which our spirits can safely and productively dwell. This is why grounding ourselves every day, especially at the beginning of the day, is such a beneficial practice. Fortunately, it’s as simple as bringing our conscious awareness to our bodies and the earth on which we walk.

Photo: "Cross section of a tree's roots," originally uploaded by Aaron Escobar

Susan Griffin quote

We know ourselves to be made from this earth. We know this earth is made from our bodies. For we see ourselves. And we are nature. We are nature seeing nature. We are nature with a concept of nature. Nature weeping. Nature speaking of nature to nature.

The red-winged blackbird flies in us, in our inner sight. We see the arc of her flight. We measure the ellipse. We predict its climax. We are amazed. We are moved. We fly. We watch her wings negotiate the wind, the substance of the air, its elements and the elements of those elements, and count those elements found in other beings, the sea urchin's sting, ink, this paper, our bones, the flesh of our tongues with which we make the sound "blackbird," the ear with which we hear, the eye which travels the arc of her flight. And yet the blackbird does not fly in us but somewhere else free of our minds, and now even free of our sight, flying in the path of her own will.

~Susan Griffin

Returning to myself

The best things in life are nearest: breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties in your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at the stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

So I took my own advice from yesterday--not that I realized I was giving advice--and went for a walk at the beach today. "Happily I recover. . . . / Happily I go forth. . . . / With lovely feelings may I walk. / As it used to be long ago, may I walk." I had woken up this morning feeling off my game. After a week of being a bit under the weather, I was finally feeling better . . . so my Intellect gifted me with a flurry of thoughts that supposedly needed urgent attention. I realized that this tension I've been feeling in my neck and shoulders is a direct result of stress, which always surprises me. A year ago, I was working a crazy schedule plus a hellish commute for a job that I hated. What do I have to be stressed out about now?, I ask myself.

But that's not really how it works. Whatever is going on your life is always the largest thing you've ever had to deal with. Not true, I know, but especially as time passes and you adjust to life as it has become, the things that happened in the past lose their full color and whatever is up for you right now feels HUGE. You can hear about starving children and domestic violence and rights abuses and whatever else makes the news today and think, how do my worries compare to that? Well, they don't. But not because your challenges are inherently less important--it's really that life isn't relative. Sure, you can always do more for those other folks you're hearing about it, and they may or may not receive relief from it or appreciate it. But none of that will make what's going on for you go away. You are living your life in this moment, the present moment, the only moment there is, and therefore this moment is the most important moment in your life, in your world.

Which is how I came to be at the beach today. I realized that I'd allowed all the relativity, the shoulds, the external stresses to become more important that this moment. None of it really matters. Sure, I could use a larger income. Sure, very little would make me happier right now than being able to move. Sure, I have work to do around my house, for my clients, for myself. But when I stop experiencing the present moment, stop recognizing its importance, stop taking care of myself in this moment, then I have completely missed the point of living.

Now that I am back home again, those issues that felt oh-so-important this morning are still there, lingering in the back of my mind, but they no longer feel urgent, no longer feel larger than life. Because now I remember the smell of the ocean, the majesty of the seagulls and the pelicans, the feel of cypress bark on my skin. The work flows easily now, the stresses roll off me like water, and I am grounded, present, centered, and truly alive. Order has been restored to my small corner of the Universe, and all is well again. Life truly is good. Namaste.

Photo: "Old tree branch on a sandy beach, " originally uploaded by René Ehrhardt

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The agony and the ecstasy

You have been thinking about your future long enough. You may be sick and tired of going around on the same mental loops as you attempt to create something different from the life you currently have. Instead of fighting against the resistance you feel, try letting go of the attachment that you have to any long-term goals. You may be pleasantly surprised at what happens when your mind is freed from previous expectations.
~Rick Levine, Scorpio horoscope for August 3, 2008

This past week I had a glimpse into the life of a manic depressive, with amazing highs followed closely by horrifying lows. It was a 7-day roller coaster ride, and while the highs were magnificent and I definitely would have rather not had the lows, I can see how both ends of the spectrum are part of the fabric of living life fully.

Our summer adventure was an absolute blast. We had a wonderful road trip up and back, listening to recordings of Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman and Paulo Coelho's wonderful journey The Alchemist. Crater Lake was breathtakingly beautiful, even for a second visit. We had a lovely "it's a small world" experience by running into a former co-worker of mine shortly after our arrival at the rim. Our campsite was somewhat exposed, but we ended up not having many neighbors so it felt very private. We were captivated by the geology of the mountain and even ended up going to my first ever campfire circle to learn as much as we could about how the lake was formed. We absolutely fell in love with Ashland and can't wait to go back when we have plenty of time to dawdle. Our B&B, Morical House Garden Inn, was gorgeous and comfortable with a wonderfully welcoming innkeeper and yummy-smelling breakfast included. We didn't end up tasting said breakfast as we opted to revisit a wonderful little restaurant we discovered driving home from our honeymoon two years ago, Morning Glory. In addition to having some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life, it's a cozy, comfortable, homey spot that just makes you feel good from the inside out. All in all, a fabulous vacation.

The trouble began when we arrived back home. Normally I'm thrilled to be home, and I was looking forward to an evening with just my cats as my husband had plans to go out that night. But I was antsy, feeling like I'd rather still be on vacation. I fell into some old patterns, which I later recognized was me looking for a way to make myself feel better that felt familiar instead of doing something centering and grounding. The next couple of days were a downward spiral of a pretty severe funk, aggravated by discovering a cockroach in one of our kitchen cabinets and having the hot water heater go kaput. Every time I'd start to think I was pulling out of the funk, something else would happen to send me back down again.

What I recognize now is that my sense of where I was (too small, now dirty-feeling apartment, not enough money coming in, not getting paid to do the work I was born to do, not liking my body or my wardrobe, etc.) compared to my sense of where I want to be (work that enables me to share my gifts with the world, spacious and comfortable home with plenty of room to grow into, large income that supports all of our needs and desires with plenty to share with others, active lifestyle that keeps me lean and full of energy, etc.) was extremely out of alignment. My energy was all stuck in judgment and resistance, the result of which was several days of misery.

Thankfully, today was the day when I got to turn it all around. I'd just had the opportunity to tell a coaching client last weekend that the great thing about a spiritual practice is that you're building a foundation for your life. While the analogy of building muscles can be useful, the good news here is that unlike your muscles, stopping the spiritual workout does not mean you have to start over from scratch--the muscles don't deteriorate in your absence. It doesn't take much--a five minute meditation, a repetition of your mantra, singing a verse of a chant--to get you reconnected to your Source. Pulling a couple of tools out of my toolbox this morning, I was able to move myself into a place of peace and acceptance. Not only to I no longer feel stuck, I feel like I am soaring and free. I'm calling today my New Year's Day because I feel like I just hit the reset button. It's a new year, clean and open and full of possibilities. And I'm thrilled to get to live each of its days as fully as I know how. Namaste.

Photo: A shot of our breakfast table at Morning Glory in Ashland, OR

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Summer adventure

My husband and I leave in the morning for a summer adventure. We're heading up to Crater Lake, camping there for a couple of days before heading to Ashland for a quick taste of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. Nothing could have made me happier when my husband expressed a desire to spend his few days off up there. It's absolutely beautiful and exactly what I needed to ground myself after the all-over-the-map-ness of the past couple of months.

Here's to a wonderful, centering, grounding week for all of us. Namaste.

Photo: "Crater Lake - Discovery Point," originally uploaded by Charles Dawley

Reconnecting

"When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."
~Will Rogers

We all have those moments, days, weeks where it feels like we can't keep up, we aren't centered or grounded, we're separated from Source. I don't know about you, but when it happens to me, I have this sense that it will require a grand gesture to turn it around. Missed a few days of meditation? Then I must need an hour-long meditation plus two more hours of spiritual practice to catch back up. And then when I don't have the time or make the time for such a long practice, I judge myself as lacking and sink deeper into the darkness.

The thing is, of course, we're never completely closed off from Source and no matter how disconnected we feel, reconnection is literally only a breath away. Once the awakening has begun, once you've had a taste of the experience of your deep connection to Source, it doesn't take much to bring you back there. Here are a few simple tools you can use throughout your day to either help you remain connected or reconnect you as needed:

Breathing. We are constantly breathing, in and out, all day long, each and every day. It is something we are generally unconscious of, but try bringing your consciousness to this natural process, recognizing with each breath that you are alive in this moment, right now. Do this for a few moments or a few minutes, depending on where you are and how much time you have. It's amazing how this simple technique can bring you quickly back to yourself, to you as observer, as awareness, to the now.

Be Here Now. The key to happiness is to stay present in this moment. I find that a simple mantra can work wonders in helping me remain present when I find my mind wandering into past and future events. I've been using "Be Here Now" recently, although any mantra will work. I've also been playing with the idea that whatever I am doing right now, it is my life's purpose to be doing it, and so I remind myself of that as I work. It is a great way to turn any activity into a meditation and almost always brings me up out of whatever dark thoughts were trying to take hold in my mind into the space of light and peace that is always available in the now.

Music. Listening to music can be a quick and easy way to reconnect. Our bodies are energy and we are all vibrating. Music is also a vibration, and when the two vibrations meet, we can experience a deep harmony. I know for me there are a few tracks that from the first note I feel myself transported. If you don't already know what works for you in this way, I recommend exploring the many examples that are available these days developed with the intention of positively affecting people's vibration. My current favorite is Jonathan Goldman's Waves of Light, although I also enjoy the Brainwave Suite and the second track of Kelly Howell's Retrieve Your Destiny. The Globe Institute for Sound Therapy & Healing is a great resource as well. They have a collection of CDs available in their store with demos for you to sample. When you visit their website, they have a selection playing, "Awakening," that instantly transports me, and I often leave the page open in the background while I'm working so that I can stay in that sense of the divine no matter what I'm doing.

Nature. If you have a wee bit more time, try connecting with the natural world. If there's a park or a forest nearby, go for a short walk. Try taking off your shoes, feeling the grass or dirt beneath your feet. Connecting with the earth directly is a quick and easy way to literally ground yourself through the earth's energy. When you don't have nature readily at hand, try observing the flora and fauna around you. Flowers in a vase, a house plant, a pet, a bird outside your window -- take a few moments to really experience these examples of life that can be found just about everywhere, using each of your senses. You may feel how they radiate energy just like you do. Or you may just notice their simple beauty. Whatever comes up for you, the natural world provides so many examples of the essence of life that it can become a great way for you to reconnect with your own sense of that essence within you.

The key here is really it only takes a moment to remember what it is we already know--that we are one with the Source of all life and that the only moment that truly is is this one. When we come into that awareness, we are in contact with the power of the universe, with the divine. Try playing with a few of these tools this week, maybe by setting up a reminder alarm to go off a few times throughout the day or by using them when you start to feel yourself slipping into unconsciousness. I think you'll find it only takes a moment to turn your day around. Good luck, have fun, and let me know how it goes! Namaste.

Photo: "That my life would depend on the morning sun," originally uploaded by ThunderChild the Magnificent

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Hugging back

Something I was reading this week recommended hugging a tree, saying that if you get still and pay attention you should feel the tree hugging back. Somewhat by accident, I ended up participating in a tree hug fest yesterday, and I am so glad that I did. What a magnificent way to connect with nature and the universe. Booyah!

I've been feeling the pull towards the beach this week--it takes about 30 minutes to get over to Half Moon Bay and I tend to fill my days with so much busyness that I don't feel I have time to make the journey. Every time I go I think, wow, it's so close, why don't I do this more often? The intellect can be so silly sometimes. Turning it off and letting the greater wisdom within me do the thinking always nets better results.

So while I was there I had two goals: to walk my 3-mile walk for my Avon Walk for Breast Cancer training, and to soak up as much beauty and peace and, well, beach as I could. It was absolutely gorgeous when I arrived--a deep blue sky reflecting into the sparkling blue ocean, relatively warm (I'm thinking mid-60s), a handful of fluffy, white clouds. I set off in a northerly direction along a path that ran along the top of the cliff. At some point I reached an easy access point to head down to the beach and I did, walking along the water and just enjoying the smell, the way the clouds dancing across the sun cast shadows on the sand, the feeling of the sand giving way beneath my feet.

When I turned around to head back the other way I realized that dark, heavy clouds were coming in, slowly obscuring the sun, but it was an almost tangible blanket with distinct edges--when you looked out to the horizon you could see the sun reflecting off the water on the other side a few miles out. It was absolutely breathtaking in its own way. On the way back I made a game out of walking in my own footsteps, half running in the sand and laughing at my own silliness. At the car, I knew I was having too much fun to go home, so I just kept walking past it towards a clump of trees I saw hanging on the edge of the cliff.

And man, as much fun as I had walking on the beach, exploring these trees was definitely the highlight of my day. It's only Thursday and I don't want to squelch any upcoming joy, otherwise I'd claim it as the highlight of my week! I had to cross a little bridge to reach this grove of cypresses and it was like crossing into another world. A deep peace fell over me and I felt as though I'd walked into a large cathedral with the kind of deep energy that collects over many years of reverence. My steps got very slow and I could feel my energy shift in response to the trees, keeping the playfulness but almost mutating it into a sense of celebration, a joie de vivre, that resonated all the way to my core.

There was a single cypress hanging off the edge of the cliff, completely bent so that its top ran almost parallel to the ground. I walked up to it and wrapped my arms around it, resting my chin on its bark and looking out over its vista. I'd been soaking up the beauty of the beach for almost an hour, but it was like I was seeing it for the first time, I was seeing it from the tree's vantage point. I stood there for a few minutes, soaking up the energy of the tree, not even really conscious of the fact that my toes were just a couple of inches from the edge of a cliff. I just felt so safe, so centered, so grounded, so connected.

The next tree I came to was sticking out of the earth at about a 45 degree angle. It wasn't one I could really hug, so instead I ran my hands along it, really seeing it through my palms and fingers, feeling the intricacies of its bark. There were a couple of knots that looked a bit like the deep, soulful eyes of a horse or a whale or something, and I looked deeply into them, feeling like I was looking into the tree's soul. The tree emanated such a sense of grace, and I felt honored to have it share its presence with me.

After that, I ran through the clumps of trees I found and explored them like I was a little kid, seeing them as great places to play games, making different rooms out of the trees' canopies, seeing how many I could walk between along the edge of the cliff without going back out to the path. These trees brought me to a place of such joy and gratitude. I felt childlike in their presence, totally in awe of them, yet having so much fun with them.

I am so grateful to have had this experience yesterday. I needed this connection, this reminder of the magnificence of the universe and my place in it. And now I know exactly where I can go if I ever need help reaching a place of peace and serenity. The grace of these trees will always show me the way. Namaste.

Photo: "the lone cypress as seen from the 17 mile drive," originally uploaded by Vaidyanathan Krishnan

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Connecting through nature

I had a wonderful weekend. Interestingly, however, I was all over the map emotionally, a regular roller coaster ride experiencing everything from being on top of the world to feeling smothered by doubt and fear. So how is that I can call it a wonderful weekend and feel so optimistic this morning? Because I spent so much time in nature, soaking up the beauty of the world around me and reveling in its glory.

Nature for me is a direct connection to the divine. It definitely helps that it was a beautiful weekend--70's and sunny--and that we had so much rain this winter. Everything is still so green, so full of life--I just opened the blinds and looked out over the valley beneath my apartment and it took my breath away. However I can find the divine in a gray and rainy day as well. What's important is that I make sure I get outside, go for a walk, pay attention to the landscape and how the seasons shift it, see what is blossoming and what is waning, smell the fragrances of the flowers, notice the quality of the air.

On Saturday, we went up to Mount Diablo for the first time. Now that I've seen its beauty, I can't believe I've never taken the time to experience it before. You can see most of the Bay Area from its peak, and its foothills are spectacular. Seeing it in all its green splendor this weekend brought to mind my mental image of what Ireland must look like. On Sunday, I took a walk through local neighborhoods and had a similar experience of the beauty around me. Walking along residential streets is a much more up-close-and-personal view, but all of the blossoming trees and flowering gardens still played their part in helping me feel connected.

Being in nature makes me come alive, increases my sensitivity to my own sense of vibrancy, of vitality. When I touch the earth I can feel its energy, feel it connecting to my own energy and providing its strength to support me. I have this fantasy of becoming a gardener, of putting my hands in the soil and taking care of plants and helping them grow. My brown thumb suggests that might not be wise, but I yearn for that direct connection with the earth. That might be why I enjoy camping so much--even when I'm sleeping on rocks and roots I wake up with a surprising amount of energy quite likely because I've been soaking it up from the ground. I have this childlike desire to go rolling down the side of a hill, and maybe I will.

What makes you come alive? What steps can you take this week to embrace that vitality, regardless of what is happening in the world around you, regardless of how you are feeling? Join with me in a quest for the divine, a quest for connection. Take some time this week to walk with your feet touching the earth. Bend down and smell a flower as it blooms, touch the grass as it reaches for the light. Notice the beauty around you whether it's gray or sunny, whether there's still snow on the ground or the world is blossoming around you. Feel the energy of the earth and let it strengthen you, let it feed you, let it ground you. Namaste.

Photo: "Sun over Pine Ridge in Mount Diablo State Park," originally uploaded by Miguel Vieira

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Concussion

So, you know the expression, "I got hit over the head with it," usually referring to an idea or message or something? Well, Saturday, in the wee hours of the morning, I literally experienced what being hit over the head feels like. My husband and I collided heads when he came to bed, and his being the larger and heavier of the two, mine absorbed most of the impact. The result? A concussion, leaving my brain less than what I normally think of as functional. Reading is difficult for me, partially because I'm having trouble with focus and partially because it makes my head feel funny to hang forward like this. Playing any form of video game, even something as simple as solitaire, makes me feel completed nauseated. I kind of feel like I'm experiencing all of the sensation of my ecstatic trance of last week . . . except without the ecstatic trance. The whole experience has been fascinating, and while I am aware of at least part of the message--always, always, always follow your intuition!--I suspect there's another piece looming in the background, waiting for me to become aware of its presence. I will keep you posted on what I discover.

Today, mostly I feel a surge of gratitude. I am grateful for the little improvement I already feel in my mental functionality. I am grateful not to be at the hospital, bored and lonely, but with my husband and cats, soaking up the beauty and colors and vibrancy of life. I am grateful for my ability to find humor in just about anything--apparently protective headgear is recommended for concussion prevention, so now I'm looking for a sleeping helmet. And I am grateful that honestly, my "getting hit over the head" kind of messages are getting gentler--in the past I've had things like car accidents come up with much more intense injuries and longer lasting ramifications. Thank god for increasing awareness!

I picked up one of my favorite books last night, Earth Prayers, as I was going to bed, looking for some inspiration to set the tone for my sleep. I thumbed through its many poems and prayers, old friends that provide equal parts comfort and inspiration. Plus, they're often short, so I could read them successfully! I wanted to share with you one of my many favorites, a poem by Harriet Kofalk . . .

Awakening
in a moment of peace
I give thanks
to the source of all peace

as I set forth
into the day
the birds sing
with new voices
and I listen
with new ears
and give thanks

nearby
the flower called Angel's Trumpet
blows
in the breeze
and I give thanks

my feet touch the grass
still wet with dew
and I give thanks
both to my mother earth
for sustaining my steps
and to the seas
cycling once again
to bring forth new life

the dewdrops
become jewelled
with the morning's sun-fire
and I give thanks

you can see forever
when the vision is clear
in this moment
each moment
I give thanks

Photo: "Angel's trumpet," originally uploaded by Jack French

Weather report

I'm seriously bummed. I knew there was rain forecasted for the remainder of the week, but I didn't know the full extent until today. They're talking about a storm like the one we had back at the beginning of January, with flash floods and power outages and hurricane-force winds. The problem? Sean and I were supposed to be going camping this weekend. We had a tent-cabin booked down at Big Basin. While that is certainly better than being in a tent in a storm, I don't think I want to be sleeping outside in this kind of storm regardless of my accommodations, so we canceled our trip. Bugger.

Overcoming inertia

I love that it is 9:45 and we've already had an absolute downpour, had the sun come out, and now the skies are clear and blue and beautiful. Ah yes, this is my kind of day, where I can enjoy the sun doubly because we've already had some rain today. Yesterday I was not so lucky. I went for my 3-mile walk in the afternoon. It had already rained but the sky was still gray and heavy. I grabbed my umbrella as I headed out and managed to get most of the way through without having to use it, but that last half mile or so it started to rain -- thankfully a light, misty rain, but rain nonetheless. I was so relieved, pleased, proud that I had chosen to walk anyway. It wasn't that long ago that a rainy day would have been more than enough excuse not to leave the house, and considering I was still coming out of my funk, it showed substantial more motivation than I thought I had.

This past week has been really interesting to me, as I've managed to observe myself in the midst of my behaviors and subtly shift what I've always done to something different. What I've always done is let a funk absorb me, depress me, derail me. What was different was that there were still pockets of motivation, moments of productivity, rays of light that kept me at least partially on course in spite of inertia's best efforts to the contrary. Not to mention the unsmall feat of not beating myself up anywhere near as much as I usually do for the moments where I was off course, sitting on the couch eating chocolate and watching copious amounts of silly television.

This is what progress looks like. Most of the time it isn't great leaps and bounds, onward and upwards. It's making small changes, little shifts, and acknowledging yourself for making the effort, noticing the results however wee they may be. Each moment has its own challenges, its own choices, its own ups and downs, its own little victories. The trick is to be aware, to pay attention, to recognize what is happening inside you and around you, and to be grateful both for the awareness and the shift that is taking place. I feel like so much is happening right now, like everyday is full to overflowing even when on paper it doesn't look like I'm doing very much at all. But I can see the progress, in a way I've never been able to do before, and it is truly amazing.

What things do you notice when you pay attention? What are the little ways that you can shift what is happening in your life today? What are you grateful for? I can almost guarantee that the inertia will dissipate when faced with questions like these. There's no place for it to hide when you shine the light. Namaste.

The grounding, Part III

My head feels like it is completely bubbling over with all the great stuff I've learned this week. I love how life continues to throw me curve balls and sometimes I flub them and sometimes I just hit them out of the park, but regardless of the outcome I'm always learning something. One of the biggest things I've learned this week probably should have been obvious -- although those are the things that usually take me longer to figure out -- which is that grounding is an ongoing process. It's not like getting a tattoo or something where you can see immediate results and there's not a significant amount of maintenance, you have to work on it a little bit each day. And there's not a magic tonic that will always work -- you have to find balance even within the act of grounding.

While Wednesday was all about getting organized, yesterday was about Abundance and Nature. And yes, those are capital-letter concepts for me. I was absolutely thrilled because I finally got my first freelancing check. Phew! I've been biting my nails for a few weeks now, anxious because while I absolutely did not want to put a single penny more on the credit card, the cash on-hand wasn't enough to cover our expenses. Yesterday's check was for three weeks of work and I felt such a flood of relief pour through me as I reviewed our financial situation. I did what I'd been putting off doing for a while now -- I shined a light on our expenses and put together a plan of where our money is going for the next couple of months. The whole time I was doing it, I could feel my center getting more secure, I could feel the concept of Abundance flowing through my body, and I felt so steady, so stable, so . . . grounded. It was like a lightbulb went off in my body that said, Eureka! Feeling secure about my finances makes me feel grounded! I know, Duh! But it was good for me to see the truth of it and to really feel it through and through.

The other thing I did was to take a lovely 3-mile walk at the reservoir. I'd had plans to go with a friend and when she had to cancel, I could feel myself start to think about the other things this would open me up to do at home that afternoon. Thankfully, an inner voice rang out loud and clear reminding me how important it is for me to get outside while the sun is shining, to connect with nature, and to be active in the process. Riding high on this concept, I also made plans with some friends to go to the beach next weekend (I really hope it doesn't rain), knowing how walking alongside the ocean is both necessary and something I never do often enough. I don't know if it's because I'm a water sign, but rivers, lakes, oceans, ponds, even puddles speak to me deeply. It's always been interesting to me that the two places that ground me the most are the desert and the ocean -- the presence and absence of water, yet both teaming with life. I can feel my energy shift in their presence.

Ah, I feel very content this morning. I feel like I am opening up, like this experience of grounding has made it possible for me to connect more deeply with myself, with Source, and with those around me. And I feel such FLOW happening -- I registered for the Avon Breast Walk and people are already coming out of the woodwork to walk with me, I have an interview lined up for Sunday, and I even feel short story ideas beginning to bubble up. Yes, please! I love this process, I love the learning, I love the living of it. Namaste.

We're walking, we're walking

Oh sunshine, how I do love thee. It promised to be another gray, rainy day today, especially during the hail this morning. I find hail absolutely fascinating, by the way, one of those oddities of life that always remind me of the infinite nature of the universe. Shortly after the hail stopped, the sun came out. I was almost bummed because I really needed to get some work done this morning, but I promised myself that I could go for a walk after I was finished. I got to practice a sort of waking meditation as my lack of focus was greater than usual. But I continued to gently close browser windows, return my attention to my work, and wrapped everything up within a few hours.

I headed up to one of my favorite places on earth, the Crystal Springs reservoir, along which the Sawyer Camp Trail runs for six miles between highway 280 and the water. It is simply spectacular over there, with a nice paved trail for easy access. Even if I'm having an absolutely lousy day, a walk at the reservoir heals all wounds, renews my sense of connection, restores my energy. I think it's the grounding created by the meeting of the sky, the hills, and the water -- it grounds me, too.

I needed that grounding today -- I had let myself get off track this weekend. I'm not sure what it is about weekends, perhaps old habits that die hard, but my routine gets thrown completely off and sometimes I don't regain my rhythm until Monday. That's what happened this time, so much so that it was after breakfast on Monday before I even started laying the foundation for regaining my rhythm. But I did the work, plugging away at my resistance until it had dissipated. The walk was the icing on the cake, but necessary icing. I think it was what I needed to finish the restoration process so that the remainder of my week could be more on track. I feel like a new person already, but I know there's still inner work to be done, in addition to the outer work.

It's one of the funny things about this path. I did so much good inner work last week that things continued to bubble up and bubble up all weekend. My mind wanted a rest and kicked up all the resistance it could muster. But those bubbles kept coming. And when I sat down to do my morning pages this morning, I practically had a laundry list of all the work that was on tap for this week. It's some pretty good stuff, too, all about what the next steps are for me on my journey to do my soul's work. It includes finding work writing about the things I'm passionate about, starting a spiritual group with meditation and reading and discussion, surrounding myself with interesting, passionate, soul-searching women. And from there, well, the sky's the limit, really. Wish me luck . . . and gentleness. I suspect I'll need them both. Namaste.

Market day

The sun has been mostly out today and I've been so relieved. I know we can probably use all the rain we can get -- even if it causes flooding -- but when it's been raining all week and the forecast has the rain continuing for at least another week, a break feels really good. And hey, on a somewhat related note, did you hear about the avalanche in Southern California? I just like to say that -- there was an AVALANCHE in Southern California. It's the kind of thing I associate with the Alps or the Himalayas, not the land of Baywatch and Hollywood. Totally trippy.

Anyhoo, the break in the rain meant that I got to visit my local farmer's market. Actually, I'm lucky to have two year-round farmer's markets within spitting distance of my house, but it's the Saturday morning one in San Mateo that's my favorite. Even in winter when there aren't a lot of foods naturally in season, we can get tons of locally-grown fruits and vegetables. Today I kept it simple, picking up onions, garlic, broccoli and broccoli rabe (or rapini), mandarin oranges, sweet potatoes, and a lovely bunch of tulips. I still had salad greens, green onions, strawberries, and grapefruit leftover from going to the market last week. It's a literal cornucopia.

Most people think that vegetarians eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, but that has not always been the case for me. I go through phases where I eat mostly grains and legumes or I'm heavy on the dairy, which never makes me feel good. So right now I'm placing a huge emphasis on fruits and vegetables -- not only does it make my diet much more colorful, it's much more flavorful as well. Almost every meal is a delicious treat -- last night, Sean got stuck working late so I "whipped up" Savory Loaf (a grain side dish that is truly savory), a beautiful green salad with toasted pine nuts and gorgonzola cheese, and a baked sweet potato. It was incredibly simple, but simply delicious. This weekend's highlights will include a veggie fried rice with toasted almonds and a red lentil soup. It makes my stomach rumble in anticipation just to think about it.

While the spectacular array of foods and flowers available is my primary reason for going to the farmer's market, it also just makes me feel good to be there. There's such a sense of community, reinforced by occasionally running into people I know. Lots of families and couples and friends and individuals walking around, interacting with the people selling their wares, mostly with smiles on their faces and a spring in their step. There's also a sense of sustainability, as at least half of the attendees are carrying "permanent" grocery bags from Whole Foods and Trader Joe's or baskets and bags purchased just for the market, and everything is coming from relatively local farms. And finally, there's a bountiful sense of self-nurture, like I'm doing something that is good for me and just the act of doing it already makes my body feel better. Utilizing my purchases is almost like a bonus instead of being the purpose.

Apparently there are 90 farmer's markets in the Bay Area -- wild. I feel blessed to be in an area of such abundance. But farmer's markets are cropping up all over the country, too. When I visited my family in Rome, Georgia last summer, my aunt and I went to an early morning farmer's market at a local church. While it was mostly people with large gardens sharing their extras, it was still a testament to the power of community. I was happy to be able to support the locals in their endeavors, and kind of wished I had a fledgling farmer's market that I could support at home too. But large or small, professional or amateur, I always look forward to market day, to the feelings it engenders and the spoils I get to take home with me. Namaste.

Ah, meditation

I am having a good, if sleepy, day today. The rain is a nice backdrop for me to work in, creating a soothing, meditative state. I got up early this morning so I would have time to do my morning pages before making a yummy breakfast (vanilla-cinnamon french toast using whole-grain bread and real maple syrup -- yum-o). I've been trying to cook three meals a day lately, and I find it to be a timing challenge to finish my morning practice before putting breakfast together by 7:15. Starting my morning practice after Sean leaves for work, however, means it's the only thing that gets to utilize my most productive hours of the day. In seeking balance, getting up earlier appears to be the best solution.

Today worked out so well I almost even had enough time for my meditation, but it would have been noticeably short so I held off until later in the morning. And I'm really glad I did -- I got in a couple of hours of freelance work and still had a full hour to dedicate to meditation before lunch. This full hour is something I've been trying to fit into my schedule for over a week as I've been wanting to try out a new meditation recording I picked up -- Kelly Howell's Awakening Kundalini. Oh wow, it's a good one. I was already loving the brainwave techniques she uses and most frequently meditate to her Retrieve Your Destiny "Side B" meditation. Awakening Kundalini uses the same theta-wave meditation music found on Retrieve Your Destiny but adds a guided meditation to it. It starts with an introduction to the concept of Kundalini and instructions on how to use the meditation and what the different breathing techniques are, so the first use is a little time-consuming but let me tell you, it's well worth it. I'm looking forward to seeing how it opens me up over time.

I love meditation. I know for some people it's something they "should" do, something they're "supposed to" do. But for me it's something I truly love with all of my heart. I love the feeling of connection it leaves me with, the sense of cleanliness and purity inside and out. I finished meditating today and I was hungry, but at the same time I felt very FULL. I've spent the past couple of hours almost in a daze because my meditation brought me so into the present moment I'm really looking at things, really absorbing my surroundings. It's a little like being high, but an all-natural, totally reattainable high.

If you have trouble committing to a meditation practice, I really recommend listening to something while you are meditating. First of all, it's a natural timer so you know upfront how long your meditation will be depending on which recording you select. You have no excuse to peek at the clock to see how much time is left -- if the meditation is still playing, you still have time left. I typically shoot for 30 minutes because I like how it makes me feel, how it gives me enough time for that sense of connection to really sink in. In addition to Kelly Howell's meditations, I love the gong meditation on Music for Deep Meditation: Tibetan Singing Bowl. If I'm really crunched for time, then I'll do a 15-minute meditation. For that I typically use the "Deep Trance Meditative Music" track off of Caroline Reynolds' Soul Stretch.

The other reason I recommend listening to something is that it gives the layers of your mind something to do, especially when you're just learning how to meditate. If you think of your mind like a pond, your thoughts usually dance around the surface, causing ripples as they plunk down onto the water. Meditation pulls you down beneath the surface where it's still and quiet. Having something to listen to gives that surface-layer something to be distracted by and allows the rest of your mind to sink into the depths. Or at least that's the way I think of it.

All I can say is that it's the best way to spend 30 minutes each day. AND it makes the rest of your 23 hours and 30 minutes go so much more smoothly, gracefully, and presently. Namaste.

Strength

One of the joys of being between jobs is the flexibility inherent in the situation. If I wake up in the morning and need to spend some time on forgiveness work, I can. If a book falls off a shelf asking to be read, I can follow that urge. If nature is calling me out into its luscious depths, I can pack up and go for a walk. I am spending a lot of time listening and following the guidance I receive. Ultimately, my hope is that it will lead me to an income source, so a lot of my focus is on my life's purpose and seeing what the next step on that path looks like.

Earlier this week, the daily "big idea" email I get from thinkArete.com was about Dr. Mark Seligman's Authentic Happiness. The short idea is that if you figure out what your strengths are and use them, you will find happiness. I was, of course, intrigued and checked out the Authentic Happiness website and discovered a whole slew of interesting looking questionnaires, including the one calling to me -- Signature Strengths. My results were both unsurprising and edifying, and I feel compelled to share the top five (of 24) with you today.

My top strength is Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith. Not surprising considering how much time I am currently dedicating to my connection to my Source. I would guess that if I had taken this questionnaire a year ago, this would not have turned up number one, but today it truly is the best thing I have going for me and the source of the contentment I find in each day.

My second strength is Appreciation of beauty and excellence. This is definitely one that I try to cultivate. I happen to believe I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth, so most days this is easy, but I can find beauty in anything, anyone, anywhere.

My third strength is Love of learning. Oh, if Ms. Tinsley could just see me now. I was the bane of many a schoolteacher's existence -- that kid who didn't pay attention in class, never did her homework, but still did well on tests. I always had an affinity for learning, but was so often bored it didn't come out in school until I was about halfway through college. As an adult, learning is a source of great pleasure for me, and I find myself taking classes whenever I can.

My fourth strength is Perspective (wisdom). Who knew I was so wise? I definitely do believe that we each hold a unique perspective, and mine is valuable precisely because it is uniquely mine. The unique perspectives of other individuals help me to hone my own, and I hope vice versa. The world is such an interesting place full of such interesting people. And hey, I'm one of them!

My fifth strength is Capacity to love and be loved. I love just about everyone I come in contact with. Now, that doesn't mean I always like them, but I can always find something in them to love. I am also blessed with parents whose love for me I have never had reason to doubt, affectionate and loving family members, a burgeoning family of choice (aka my friends), and the love of a supportive husband and adoring cats. It's a good place to be.

I love having the opportunity to explore and celebrate my strengths. I have spent too much of my life being my own biggest critic, focusing on all of my weaknesses and flaws. Just thinking about my strengths brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart. Isn't that a much better place to live? I already feel that authentic happiness flooding into my life, and I've only just begun. Namaste.

Sunrise, Sunset

It is 4 o'clock in the afternoon and it feels like the sun just rose. We're in the midst of several days of stormy weather -- and I mean stormy, lots and lots of wind, rain and even thunder and lightening, unheard of around here -- and over the past hour the rain started to let up and the sky got lighter until finally the sun came out. It's absolutely beautiful. I'm reminded of the Ray Bradbury story "All Summer in a Day" where the sun comes out every seven years for one hour. A melodramatic comparison, I know, but it's amazing how much a little sun can turn my energy around. I've spent my day feeling blah with very little energy, not feeling motivated to do anything -- I played Civ this morning instead of meditating and doing my morning pages -- but now that the sun is out I feel like dancing around the living room in my underwear. Or something.

All in time for the sun to set. Okay, we've got about an hour, but it is kind of funny timing. I bet it will be a beautiful one with lots of pinks and purples reflected in the clouds that are still lingering, reminders of how recently we were granted a reprieve. It's easy to get spoiled by beautiful weather living in California. I choose to view days like this as gifts, enabling me to soak up the contrast created between the downpour and the sun and find the beauty in all of it. I'm so grateful for my sunrise this afternoon, and I anticipate a beautiful sunset to follow shortly. May you find beauty in this day as well. Namaste.